Don't freak out and drop your laptop but yes, it is technically already February. The gym routine you swore you'd stick to is a whisper on the lips of 2013 and that pitiful attempt at Dry January has resulted in a tsunami of 5pm weekday wine. After last month's failed attempts to find a new beauty and exercise regime which you could do from the comfort of your bed (doesn't exist, have looked everywhere) now comes the time to stop obsessing about flaxseed and start obsessing about your career.
When hibernation seems the only logical option, you need some kind of a boost; an ego boost, an energy boost, even an actual Boost will do though no one's bought one since 2003 so you have to wonder about shelf life.
It's time to remind yourself you are a talented and important young woman – one who is definitely not currently googling the contents of a Boost. The best way of going about remembering how great you are is interviewing for a whole bunch of jobs you are totally unqualified for. It will freak your boss out (they deserve it), almost certainly guarantee you some free coffee and potentially change your life forever because oh my god you just got a job at the UN somehow.
Everybody's half-conscious this time of year; take advantage of it and convince someone to give you your dream position. You deserve it anyway, you smell great. With that in mind, here are the best things to wear to a job interview you are totally, totally unqualified for.
TOOTHPASTE
Let's face it, this interview is riding on your personality, not your completely irrelevant CV. Smile like you just found the leather embroidered Christopher Kane skirt for 90% off.
AMAZING SUIT
Interview or no interview, every self-respecting girl should have a great suit. For some reason men think we haven't worked out that wearing a suit feels like pyjamas except everyone thinks you look really smart and sexy. Unfortunately no shops have realised that women want to wear nice suits so unless you can afford vintage Moschino then stick with something along the lines of this pinstripe Zara ensemble. Until you can afford your bespoke John Pearse, that is.
Pin stripe coat, £59.99, Zara
BOOK BAG
Yes, I appreciate they are £1,000, but there's nothing more useful than carrying something around which you can both plonk on the table as a conversation starter and knock the entire contents of on to the floor. Money is no object when it comes to buying yourself 30 seconds of extra mind palace as you desperately try to figure out what you really do know about digital strategising.
Clutch bags, from £1,035, Olympia Le-Tan
LIP STAIN
Better than lipstick because it won't smudge and it makes you look very daytime profesh. Also won't come off if you chew your lips to pieces with nerves because what actually are you doing here?
Lip stain, £16, Stila
HOOP EARRINGS
Why did nobody ever tell me that mid-size hoop earrings were the key to looking like a serious human being? It's practically the law that people who wear hoops are always really tidy, have great jeans, probably go jogging and are definitely not addicted to Diet Coke. All lies you're going to need to maintain.
Earrings, £14.99, Argos
A BOOST
Because low blood sugar during an interview is a total no-no. And to be honest, I'm just really curious now.
Follow Bertie Brandes on Twitter @bertiebrandes
For more advice on how to get on the career ladder, visit GoThinkBig.co.uk
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.