No, I'm not implying that you have no social life, but there's always a lull after the month-long splurge of the Christmas party season and The-Event-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named (New Year's Eve, of course). After all the 'OMG glitter!!' Instagram selfies and regrettable hosiery choices, most of us have spent the last month firmly back in the reality of laptop eye strain and not wanting to be hungover at work because, sigh, what's even the point?
Still, you can't be a recluse forever because you might actually save up enough money to get a deposit for a flat and settle down with somebody you love – and honestly, yawn.
So while the idea of going back into a club might seem about as appealing as a marathon of Star Stories on 4ODyou're going to have to bite the bullet at some point. To ease you back on to the espresso martinis I've compiled some must-have items. And yes, before you say it, I'm using the term 'must-have' very, very loosely.
FLAT SHOES
You are not ready for heels yet.
Boots, £110, Dr Martens
TINTED MOISTURISER/BB CREAM (WHATEVER THAT IS)
Yes it's technically winter, but the fur hats and foundationed lips of December are so very last year. Break free from the Made In Chelsea Christmas special make-up you've been relying on for the last few months and embrace Hawaii by way of Westfield.
BB Skin Perfecting Tinted Moisturiser, £28, Clarins
NOTHING AT ALL GLAMOROUS
Seeing a sequin in January is like having to sit next to an anonymous pile of vomit at a bus stop. It's something dreadful we know happened recently but would like to forget as quickly as possible thank you. With that in mind, channel the exact opposite and go functional and understated.
Fingerless gloves, £26.01, Blarney Woollen Mills
A GOOD BOOK
In the festive season you're so used to being in the red that another late night cab seems like a drop in the ocean. Welcome to austerity month – chances are you're already so terrified by what's going on in your accounts you've had to delete the mobile banking app. Stop kidding yourself you have any Uber credit left and get the bus like everybody else. Reading this will make it more bearable.
Umbrella by Will Self, £6.29, Amazon
THERMALS
Unfortunately for us, all the best things about winter are over (mulled wine and bank holidays) and all the terrible things about winter remain. It's so freezing at the moment that I have to keep sitting on my hands to warm them up enough to type, and seeing as I just recommended you buy fingerless gloves (so trendy) you're going to need a a lot of layers if you're hoping to brave the cold past 8pm.
Thermal T-shirt, £7.90 and thermal leggings, £9.90, Uniqlo
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CARINE-INSPIRED CASHMERE
If you can't be glamorous you can at least be chic. Think Carine Roitfeld on a day off – that should be about as dressed up as you're going to want to be on a Saturday night. Over-coiffed hair, over-moisturised skin, the stench of Diptyque and as much cashmere as you can pile onto your body. Almost sounds appealing, doesn't it?
Cashmere snake-print knit, £149, Zadig & Voltaire
** Follow Bertie Brandes on Twitter @bertiebrandes**
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.