Heading home for Christmas means meeting up with your mates from home. The ones that stayed behind while you flitted off to the big city with stars in your eyes and money on your mind.
Sure they're now the ones with stable incomes, houses they own and a successful love life while you reside in a £700 per month room that at this point is more mold than room, have completed Tinder and make roughly whatever the minimun wage is for a 17-year-old but really WHO'S WINNING? You? Right guys? Right.
Here's what to wear to prove to your home friends that getting distracted by the bright lights of the big city was almost definitely a good idea.
1. Designer bags
The bigger the logo the better. Something that screams 'I COST A LOT OF MONEY AT THE EXPENSE OF ANY TASTE WHATSOEVER'. Hook it jauntily over your left elbow, designer name facing out. Don't worry if it's really big and bashes into a lot of people. That's what these bags are for; mowing down folk who made the terrible decision to live far away from designer shops. It just adds to how excellent people will think you really are now.
2. A kooky haircut
Something that if you took a picture of it to Toni & Guy on the local high street they'd go 'Ooh, are you sure love?' Something that, only hairdressers in the really cool city that you spend upwards of £8,500 in rent a year to live in would really 'get', you know? You might look like you've just got out of the shower but wet look is in and it's 'fashion' yeah? Something only big city dwellers know something about. GOD.
3. An impractical but super stylish coat
Proves that, not only do you live in a city (the air is warmer there duh?) but also that they only time you spend outside is when you dash from cab to (super chic) club. Home friends don't need to know about the 45 minutes you spent last Saturday night waiting for the 171 bus at 3AM, or that fact that you haven't been warm since.
4. A silly pair of shoes
Your giant platforms might mean the ramble through the fields you guys had planned had to go to pot but at least people know that you're much more catwalk than country walk amiright? Just because there's mud, doesn't mean you should sacrifice your sass. Something to remember later on when you're scrubbing cow shit off the soles.
5. Clothes with a story
You know, so you can show off about your life. Like so when someone says; 'Hey, I like your top Jess', you can respond with 'OMG thanks so much, one time I wore it out and this guy from X Factor said the same thing. Because we were in the same club. Get it? I hang out at clubs with celebrities. Sometimes they're even good celebs. HELP ME I'M SO POOR AND I'M SO JEALOUS OF YOU AND YOUR LIFE AND I WANT TO COME HOME. But yeah, nice top right?'
You might also be interested in:
Novelty Christmas Fashion Things You Should Absolutely Avoid
How To Throw The Christmas Party To End All Christmas Parties
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.