Been with your boyfriend for a while but not yet in the place where moving in together is a thing? Welcome to the past six years and seven months of my life. And while not living together is totally the perfect solution for me right now mainly because I have massive FOMO and couldn't handle my flatmates having fun without me, it does throw up a few problems when it comes to getting ready in the morning. Here's a few things I've learned.
Basics are boss
Put your clashing print pyjama tops and your new paisley flares (so on trend sister, go you) to one side to wear at the weekend friend. The chances of you finding anything that either of you own in his bedroom that you can team with them are slim to none. Instead, you've long since learned it's easier just to wear jeans over and over again since they're the only thing you can wear six days in a row without anyone noticing and, if they're clean, they kind of make the various 'oversized' (read: his) t-shirts look less like a necessary evil and more like a sartorial choice you've actually made.
Your definition of what constitutes ‘washing’ your clothes relaxes
Last night I went into my boyfriend’s room for the first time after Christmas and exploded into a ‘THIS IS THE YEAR YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER’ tirade. The bed was a sea of unwashed socks while the carpet was indefinable from the layers of crumpled jeans, t shirts and tracksuit bottoms covering it. The good news? I found my favourite black dress. The bad news? It smelled like the crotch of one of Miley Cyrus’s leotards halfway through the North American arm of the Bangerz tour. Luckily the expensive perfume he bought me for Christmas worked wonders on the pongy armpits whilst a quick splash of warm water and a few scratches of my nails meant that stain came right off the front.
You’re playing Russian roulette with pants
Normally you’re pretty good at keeping a spare pare of pants in your handbag just in case you get drunk, ignore the fact you’ve got an early start and head miles out your way just to pass out at his house instead. Not that it should be a problem if you forget said pants; over the years you’ve left thousands of pairs at his. Surely one pair will be washed as ready for another outing? Wrong. Now you’re washing your pants in the sink at 2AM, anticipating the following day of vaginal discomfort thanks to the Lynx shower gel you’re using.
**Beauty routines are for other people who aren't you
**After you splashed out a hefty 30 quid on that fancy serum, you gave yourself a week until you were raving about your soft new skin just as hard as all the Amazon commenters that convinced you to buy it. Trouble is though, you haven't actually had a chance to apply it all that much since you left it in *your *bedroom because no way are you leaving it at his so he can get his grubby fingers all over it. You're guessing that interspersing it with the use of it with his 99p Tesco own moisturiser throughout your week isn't exactly the kind of 'normal skincare routine' the commenters were on about.
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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
Illustration by Laura Callaghan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.