I tried on all the new stuff at Urban Outfitters so you can see what it looks like on an actual human being with arms, legs and an existential crisis every Sunday evening.
While we are on the subject of being a warts 'n' all human, last week I broke my foot falling down the stairs, while trying to move house after six beers (DON’T DO THAT) hence why I am wearing a shoe-boot thing in every picture. You couldn’t tell and thought it wasn’t Prada AW17 sandal, right?
Skirt So Bright I Can’t See My Haterz
BDG Jersey Elastic Waist Cropped Track Jumper, £39.00, Urban Outfitters;* Kimchi Blue Cassie Fuzzy High Neck Cami, £26, Urban Outfitters; Light Before Dark Vinyl Mini Skirt, £26**, Urban Outfitters; Jelly Pool Sliders, £15, Urban Outfitters*
Check out that sheen! Corr blimey, it could get someone’s eye out. I’m very into this ensemble and not just because it screams ‘when you have PE at 10 am, but a school disco at 7 pm’. The green cropped sweat-shirt is hella 90’s, and this is the most Bella Hadid I have ever felt in my life, which can never be a bad thing. Oh and everyone needs a PVC mini skirt in their wardrobe, it’s the rules.
50 Shades Of Beige
Bardot Off-The-Shoulder Knit Top, £29, Kimchi Blue, Urban Outfitters; Mom Sand Corduroy Jeans, £55, Urban Outfitters; Jelly Pool Sliders, £15, Urban Outfitters
This is something I’d never, ever, EVER wear because I’m normally head to toe in monochrome workwear (as a choice, people, as a choice!) However, I have officially been won around. I am a convert. Next, I’ll be growing vegetables and spending my Sundays deciding which hill to hike up. The trousers fit like a dream, which is surprising as I can NEVER find a pair which fit both my waist and ‘generous’ bottom.
Your Nana's Curtain
Floral Embroidered Off-The-Shoulder Dress, £49, Pins & Needles, Urban Outfitters; Jelly Pool Sliders, £15, Urban Outfitters
Although I feel slightly naked (STOP LOOKING AT ME!), I love the flattering A-line shape to this dress. It’s a perfect frock for all those summer bbq’s you’ve been invited to. If you want your pals to think you’re ‘more 90’s than a Buffalo clad Spice Girl then team the dress with pink pool sliders, I insist. But in all seriousness, do you know how hard it is navigating through shoe choices with a broken foot? V. hard.
**Believe The Stripe **
Light Blue Striped Button-Through Cold Shoulder Dress, £46, Urban Outfitters
Though half of me indulges in two hour Whatsapp conversations discussing which hue of pink will go with my new kick flare trousers - the other half just wants an easy dress you can fling on a look babein’ with minimal effort. This stripy blue number ticks all the boxes, and you can even hoist it in at the middle to give you a waist Kim Kardashian would be jel of. The waist is back, so don’t waste it please.
Back To Basics
Out From Under So Over It Bodysuit, £24, Urban Outfitters
Basics don’t have to be basic, honeypies. Choose a black-flashing leotard and you take your smart trousers from office to bar (just like those articles in our mum’s mags growing up!) Wearing a bra with this leotard is just not going to happen, so toss your boob holder to one side and let them loose. Kendall Jenner didn’t do an arty #freethenipple Instagram post just for banter, y’know!
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.