Sure, people tell you that the 1970’s are in right now. That we’re all going to be tying netting around our waist. And even thatcelebs like Alexa Chung once couldn’t afford Topshop. Just. Like. You.
But no one tells you the truth about what really happens at Fashion Week. Like tearing off the Spanx you’ve put on to make yourself feel better about the fact you’re surrounded by models who are infinitely fitter than you. Or that having a moth fly out of your clothes isn’t cool.
So we recruited TV presenter extraordinaire Billie JD Porter to give us the low-down on what really goes on.
Here are her learnings:
1. The only tune people actually seemed to dance to was…
I rounded off London Fashion Week DJing at the Select Models party at The Box. Watching hundreds of waify Russians awkwardly slut dropping to X Gon' Give It To Ya is quite a laff.
2. Shoes come off
I entered and exited in high heels then spent the rest of the evening barefoot stepping in old sachets of ketchup in Central London. I gather Anna Wintour did the same? Wait, did she even bother showing up?
READ MORE: Fashion Week's Given Us The Autumn Blues In A Totally Good Way
3. The thing most people want to talk about is...
Their hangovers. Because the world needs to know that no one has EVER felt as bad as you do right now, and its actually a real struggle to go to cool parties, drink free alcohol and sit watching people march around for three minutes the morning after.
I'm guilty as charged BTW.... Did not stop moaning all week. Soz!
4. Sitting 'FROW' isn’t that special
IDK what the FROW etiquette is but its probably not slyly stealing everyone's goody bags as they disappear in a press scrum post show (sorry).
OR having a moth fly out from the seam of your silk skirt as you uncross your legs (sorry)
FYI the clothes look exactly the same from a foot nearer.
5. Models!
They're just like us! But fitter.
6. You do see some genius inventions, though
I visited my future BFF Christian Cowan-Sanluis’s studio before his presentation. SELFIE HAT! Mind blown.
7. People eat. But they eat random crap
The fashion week diet consists mainly of tepid prosecco and abstract flavoured pop corn. And in my case, reduced Asda salami.
Like this? Then you might be interested in...
Hot London Fashion Week Couple Alert: Jamie Campbell Bower And Matilda Lowther
What To Wear When You Want To Make Out You’re Going To London Fashion Week
11 Things We Want To Buy Immediately From The Topshop Unique Show
Follow Billie on Twitter @billiejdporter
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.