I have small feet. Not 'Embarrassing Bodies' small, but small enough that I've noticed a peculiar set of problems, and perks, that come with little tootsies.
1. Yoga is hard
This is especially true when your feet are disproportionately small in comparison to your body. That one-footed superman pose? That prayer/tree thing? No chance. Think about the surface area that you're putting all of your weight on. If I ever resemble a tree, it's one that's just been felled. Tim-ber!
2. High heels look silly
Adding a heel shortens your foot, making it look smaller. If, like me, your feet already look too small to hold up your body, then this is going from the sublime to the ridiculous. I would also argue that heels hurt more – that whole surface area vs body weight thing again. The silver lining here is that high heels hurt, and I didn't really want to wear them anyway. Unless they're manolos. Or Laurence dacades. Or really, really pretty.
3. Sales shopping is a dream
Well hello, Dries Van Noten rose gold courts – get on my feet. Having smaller-than-average feet means there is less competition for your size, and so more chance of picking up some killer bargains.
4. Sample sales are even better
Sorry, this only applies if you're a size 4 – also known as still life sample size in the fashion world. So there are the shoes that are made to fit models for catwalk shows and photo shoots (size 7, normally) and the shoes that are made to be photographer sans foot. Apparently, shoes are proportionally perfect in a size 4. Which means there are a ton of samples just waiting for me to buy them at the end of the season.
5. You get kiddie shoes at the bowling lane
Like, with Velcro straps instead of laces. But isn't Velcro fun, I hear you ask? No, no it isn't. Kids have pretty poor hygiene and haven't learned to take care of stuff yet, and these sad little shoes bear the brunt. And don't even get me started on ice skates.
6. Chunky flats are your friends
Let me recommend Grenson's thick-soled brogues, or a pair of double-strap Birkenstocks. Shoes that make other people's feet look pretty huge make yours look, well, normal. And it's great. Bright white trainers are a good shout, too- something about how they draw in the light.
7. One size does not fit all
Whoever thought that this rule should apply to socks was a goddamn idiot. 'Sizes 3-7' doesn't cut the mustard either. Either they're a 3, or a 7. Which is it? I've got news for you – it's neither. Those are a size 5, and you are living a lie.
8. Kids' slippers rule
They have faces on them, or ears, or pom-poms, or wings. Grown-up slippers are a veritable shit-show in comparison, they only come in about four colours, and none of those colours is rainbow.
So, there they are – the quirks of small feet. And while I may never reach yogic nirvana, if there is such a thing, there's a lot to be said for having a dainty pair of feet. Especially when they're encased in big bird slippers.
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Picture: Eylul Aslan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.