WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE WEATHER? THIS IS SERIOUSLY DEPRESSING? IT WAS A FUCKING CYCLONE OUT THERE THIS MORNING? Yep, for anyone with a vain hope they could hold off putting on tights for a few more weeks, this week’s the realisation has hit. It’s autumn. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
READ MORE: That Rogue Hole & Elastication Woes: The Trials And Tribulations Of Wearing Tights Again
But for all those features you’ve read in magazines about ‘how to master transitional dressing’ (side note: still confused about how long we’re in transition for before we’re in full on winter?), you’ll still find yourself staring into your wardrobe wondering WTF you wore this time last year.
Here’s what else might signify you’re in full-on autumn dressing mode.
You suddenly remember how scratchy and sweaty mohair is. WHY DO IT? Uniqlo’s cashmere starts at £59.90 – and is totally the type of thing you can persuade you mum to buy you because it’s ‘sensible’.
You suddenly find yourself frantically scrolling through every website’s flat boots section. Because those foot-baring loafers you’ve been wearing for the last month went straight into a puddle this morning. And cold feet at your desk didn’t make you that productive. Clue: these Zara ankle boots, £69.99, are pretty great.
You’re wearing the most layers you’d had on since last March. Which was great when you left the house. But after running for a train, and sitting in an already-over-heated office all day you’ve got slight thigh-chafe and claminess. We have no solutions for this. Sorry.
Your suddenly very familiar with that wet-umbrella-stuffed-in-your-bag-smell again. But at least said umbrella cheers you up – like this £22 duckhead version from American Apparel.
You had a five-minute debate with yourself before leaving the house about whether or not it was ridiculous to wear a proper coat with bare legs. You decided it was. But only because your oh-so-subtle fake tan will hide the blueish tinge on your knees. (Tip: cashmere ankle socks with boots.)
READ MORE: Here Are The Best Fake Tans To Ease Your Sad Skin Into Autumn
Talking of socks... You’ve suddenly had to order shed loads more because for some unbeknownest reason, every time you get that dusty box of winter clothes out from under your bed all of your socks from last year have disappeared. Topshop’s lace trim version, £3.50, will avoid you looking too wintery with your cropped jeans for a good couple more weeks yet.
Suddenly anything tartan seems like a great idea. Especially a scarf. Like this oversized one from Urban Outfitters that’s only £16.99. They're like the first exciting bit about Christmas coming. Without the Cliff Richard’s Mistletoe And Wine starts playing on repeat every hour.
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
Why I'm Happy To See The Back Of Bare Legs. And Rediscover My Winter Coat Instead
A Few Thoughts That Go Through Your Head When Rediscovering Your Winter Wardrobe
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Pictures: Getty, Jason Lloyd-Evans
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.