It's wet, it's freezing, and it's definitely the time of year to wear a beanie hat at all times. But beware - the beanie is not the simple piece of headwear it appears to be. No siree, you see how you wear that circular piece of material matters. ALOT. It says everything. So we grabbed an American Apparel classic to give you the lowdown on this not-so-humble hat.
The Bristol Boybander
Who Are You? You've either been in a boy band (probably a failing one) OR you are from Bristol. You almost certainly wear a rucksack with both straps on at all times and say 'dude' far too much. You drink cider on a Saturday night and are a pro at the 'slide grind' dance move once the Wetherspoons dancefloor gets busy. Oh and you love using numbers in text messages. L8rs.
How To Style It? Push the hat to back of head so full forehead and any receding hair lines are showing. Then pull the back of hat so it sags down the back of your neck. Go one step further from lone beanie wear and create a true boyband/girlband look by teaming up with a few mates and beanies in a variety of colours.
The Normcore Bore
Who Are You? You take your hat wearing very seriously. Function always comes above fashion. It's there to keep you warm, and you're very practical about everything work, sex and especially your hat. Life is all about working hard - oh and fish and chip Fridays.
How To Style It? Rolled over and pulled down to just above the brow. It must cover your ears. Warmth first. Only wear in muted colours – rust or charcoal grey - and always totally pretend you actually don’t know what a beanie is.
The Hipster Skullcap
Who Are You? Yep, you are the cliche. You have a fixie bike, wear thick knits with aged denim, and live in Peckham in a flat share with a load of designers, obviously. You eat vegan, drink almond milk, and hang out in a cramped little shit hole that Vice once said was cool.
How To Style It? Wear your beanie on top of your head and rolled up to within an inch of its life. Balanced perfectly, why worry about getting maximum surface area warmth out of your headwear when you can look this good?
The Dappy Condom
**Who Are You? **You are urban, so much so your whole vocab comes from the Urban Dictionary. You're bold and you like a look that says ‘I don’t follow the law… of gravity’.
**How To Style It? **Pull up as high as the hat will go without flopping over. Team with gold chains and aplenty of semi-offensive slogans and obnoxiously visible branding.
**The One Eye Gabrielle **
**Who Are You? **You're not like anyone else. You try to maintain a mysterious aura everywhere you go. Or maybe you're just hungover and trying to half block out the harsh realities of life with what we reckon is the next big thing in the hat world.
**How To Style It? **Fold over one eye. Either one. If you’re feeling the effects with one particularly cold ear, just mutter the mantra ‘fashion before comfort’ under your breath.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.