Silver For The Selfie Stud. And Other Top Dressing Tips For Tinder Dates?

Because swiping right is a minefield without having to worry about what shoes you're wearing


by Hannah Brimson |
Published on

It's a veritable minefield Tinder; like Take Me Out - except with loads of spelling mistakes instead of the free holiday at the end. So one thing you really don't want to worry about is what to wear. Lucky for us, we've taken all those Tinder 'hunks' (we place that mantle lightly) and decoded the dresscode for you, in advance. Just remember: when his face is swimming, you know it's time to leave.

The Selfie Stud - aka The Man In The Mirror


Most likely to be found: Staring seamlessly into an iPhone 5S camera lens.

Preferred date destination: Anywhere with good Wi-Fi signal so he can tweet, Facebook, Instagram and blog your date.

WTF to wear: Capture his attention with mirror-like finishes, and you might (read might) just distract him from staring at his own reflection long enough to see if you fancy him. If you don’t, at least you’ve got a party-friendly new camisole.


Silver Foil Cami, £14 River Island

The Gap Yah Guy - aka The Man With The Tiger


Most likely to be found: Wistfully reminiscing about his travels in Thailand or booking plane tickets for his next adventure. Whether that involves you or not is to be determined tonight.

Preferred date destination: The zoo (not Copenhagen), so he can tell you about all the animals he’s encountered in Bangkok alongside some banter-filled anecdotes.

WTF to wear: Animal prints, obvs. Next time you swipe right, treat yourself to a piece of Kenzo (plus silk scarves are hot accessory right now anyway) - in homage to Humberto Leon, officially the god of tiger fashion. If you can’t bear looking at your date, at least you can stroke your neckerchief and smile, like a creepy Bond villain.


Red Tiger And Leaves Print Silk Square Scarf, £180 Kenzo at Forzieri

The Sporting Sort - aka The Man Running The Flora Marathon


Most likely to be found: At the gym guzzling Lucozade. If he’s not there, he’ll be setting up a JustGiving page for his next bike ride from London to Paris.

Preferred date destination: A footie match, so it’s probably time to try and pretend you support Arsenal. If you can’t face fibbing, settle for a sports pub instead.

WTF to wear: Luxe sportswear with a fashion edge. Think sheer bomber jackets, varsity sweats and high-end sneaks, like DKNY's 90s-infused logomania. If all else fails, you'll be able to sprint in the direction of the bus at just a seconds notice.


Cropped Printed Mesh Top, £90 DKNY at Net-a-Porter

The Fisherman’s Friend - aka The Man Proffering A Trout


Most likely to be found: Holding his catch of the day. (Hopefully not his tackle).

Preferred date destination: An Oyster bar, so he can woo you with his chat-up lines about how he reeled you in whilst you sip on a fishily named cocktail and wonder what you’re going to watch on Netflix when you get home.

WTF to wear: Follow suit and live the life aquatic with an oceanic print. If he tries to snog you, the sharks will* scare him off.


Shark Print Jumper, £50 Illustrated People at Topshop

Suits You Sir - aka The Man In The Cockpit


Most likely to be found: Airborne in his private jet with his gaggle of laydeez or splashing the cash in Canary Wharf.

Preferred date destination: The theatre, then onto a cocktail bar where the drinks are no less than £30 each so he can show off about how much dollar he made trading oil earlier in the day. And get you pissed in the hope you’ll lose your inhibitions, your common sense and your house keys.

WTF to wear: He’ll be paying for cabs everywhere, so you can afford to wear killer heels like these completely wonderful Sophia Webster ones.


Oprah heels, £395 Sophia Webster

The Country Gent - aka The Man With The Horse


Most likely to be found: Riding his steed in the countryside on a warm spring afternoon in a similar fashion to Downton Abbey’s Matthew Crawley. (Our condolences to Lady Mary).

Preferred date destination: Afternoon tea at The Wolseley in an attempt to woo you with his effortless charm and Mr Darcy-isms. You deserve only the best, after all.

WTF to wear: Unless you’re rolling about in the hay (which is probably too forward for this gentleman), jodhpurs might be pushing it. A sassy (rather than prim and proper) 50s midi skirt will make you feel like a countrified version of Carrie Bradshaw though. You can also recycle it for a first meeting with the parents – you never know his mum might love it and by extension, you.


Full Midi Skirt in Scuba With Pockets, £50 ASOS

The DJ - aka The Man On The Decks


Most likely to be found: Hanging out backstage at all the festivals and gigs with the VIPs, regardless of whether he actually is one or not.

Preferred date destination: An all-night rave so he can subtly introduce you to his music industry mates and see if you:

a) meet their approval

b) can down eight tequilas without vomiting all over him

c) laugh at his crap jokes

WTH to wear: Your comfiest ankle boots (you want to look smart without trying too hard) and a LDD (little dancing dress, new thing ok) which shows just the right amount of fancy-me flesh.


Fierce and Foremost Cut-Out Dress, £134.85 Three Floor at Shopbop

The Board Boy - aka The Man On The Mountain


Most likely to be found: Doing a ski season in Val d'Isère for half the year. When he’s not working as a chalet host/professional pisshead, he’ll probably be bumming around at his parents’ in Norfolk.

Preferred date destination: Nando’s, or anywhere he can stuff his face without having to spend too much dosh. If you play your piri-piri right, you might get invited round to his to watch* True Detective* afterwards.

What the hell to wear: A cool jumpsuit with a tank top underneath. It won’t scare off a skier, as he’ll be used to seeing all sorts of weird all-in-one ski suits on the slopes. Plus, he’s like soooo laid back and ganrly that he's totally on board with that kinda thing anyway.


Tencel Long Jumpsuit, £59.99 Mango

Follow Hannah on Twitter @hannahbrimson

*They probably won’t, but the print is cool

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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