It’s with a heavy heart that I announce the advent of Shoe Condoms. The only prophylactic that is absolutely never necessary, the product is the, er, brainchild of Firebox, who suggests that they are a “no brainer for expensive trainers”. Designed to keep brand new trainers looking that way, Shoe Condoms are waterproof, dirtproof, machine washable and dishwasher safe, in case you were wondering.
“Condoms, but for your feet,” reads the almost Wildean descriptive prose on Firebox’s wesbite. When you put it like that, it does seem obvious. Like all the best things in life, Shoe Condoms have their own resealable pouch to “keep ‘em handy”, which is probably a good idea. After all, mud sticks.
Firebox appears to be targeting the average festival-loving sneakerhead, which made me think. In fact, I couldn’t help but wonder… are Shoe Condoms the new flower crowns? Will they be Coachella’s main sponsor for 2020? Now there’s a brand partnership that writes itself.
I digress. I know what you’re thinking: “Surely such an innovation has a high price tag?” Well, as Jessie J so profoundly asserted, it’s actually not about the money, for Shoe Condoms are only £7.99 for both medium and large sizes. They’re nothing if not egalitarian. Which is all one can really ask for in a condom. Well, that and efficiency.