**1. MY GLAMOUROUS LIFE **
It’s Christmas Party Season! You stick on the Michael Buble Christmas album, crack open the cava, put on your red silky knickers and luxuriate in the frivolous celebratory mood. You may even splash out and have a couple of fish fingers as your ‘lining the stomach’ dinner rather than you’re usual two slices of Hovis.
Because who knows what will happen tonight at Greg’s Christmas Jumper House Party in Clapham Junction. You might dance all night to your favourite tunes or stay up until sunrise having riveting conversations with wildly interesting new acquaintances. You may even meet the love of your life. It may be just like the run-up to Christmas in Love Actually! Yes! Three weeks to go – you’re wearing red lipstick, you’re snogging a hot French guy, someone’s buying you a gold necklace, Billy Bob Thornton’s trying it on with you and Alan Rickman’s your sexy boss. Hurrah!
2. BAH! Everything is too casual for the Christmas Party Season
Problem is, you’ve read up about Christmas Party Season and you don’t know if your current wardrobe will cut the mustard. You have no velvet two pieces, nor a silk pant suit. You don’t own a DVF wrap dress or a £300 faux fur muppet coat de jour. You haven’t bought Shu Uemura eyelashes and you certainly don’t own a monogrammed Smythson diary to keep track of all your festive appointments. You can’t wear any old toot you wear at the weekend for the first big party of December. YOU ARE NOT CHRISTMAS PARTY SEASON READY AND YOU’RE GOING TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF.
3. A formal gown might work right? RIGHT?
You’re three glasses of cava down and three sheets to the wind so decide to think outside the box. You dig out a formal dress you have worn once for a special occasion, or you may even consider the dress you wore to be a bridesmaid back in July. You try it on and although your housemates agree that, yes, you do look great and yes, it is a shame you can’t wear floor-length to the pub these days (what a lost tradition), that maybe you might feel a bit out of place when you get there.
Read More: Here's Eight Very Common fashion Mistakes You'll Make In December
**4. If not the funny Christmas jumper **
Oh fuck formal you never do formal well any way. Instead of going glamorous you decide to go back to your party default setting for clothes: funny. It worked when you went as Jon Snow to that snow party and all the other women were dressed up as sexy snow fairies, it will work for this. You dig out your extremely horrid Christmas jumper you picked up for five pounds in Camden market last year. It’s itchy and definitely flammable and the shape really does nothing for you, adding about seven lumpy pounds. But who cares? It’s got a shagging reindeer pattern knitted into it! Everyone will think you’re a bloody legend!
**5. I KNOW, I’LL PAINT A NATIVITY PLAY SCENE ON MY NAILS **
Whipped up in the spirit of Christmas, you decide to apply the same convivial attitude you employed for your outfit choice to your hair and makeup. You smear gold glitter on your eyelids and empty half a can of Elnett on your head.
**6. Ok, I'll red **
Convinced that your look still isn’t quite festive enough, you raid your wardrobe for anything red and throw it at the problem. Red mini skirt? Red Shoes? Red lipstick? SORTED. You smear on a bit of red lipstick and you momentarily contemplate a red jacket, but worry that you’ll look like an out of season Butlin’s entertainer looking for a cheap gig.
**7. The Star Spangled Bagger **
Still unconvinced that your look is fun and festive enough, you turn to the Christmas party philosophy of yore: the more glitter the better. Even though you never wear sequins, or lurex, or even anything vaguely shimmery, you decide now is the appropriate time for it. You raid your housemate’s wardrobe until, like a magpie, you spot the light bouncing off a sparkly clutch bag or sequinned beret. Ah, yes. That’ll do nicely.
**8. The extravagant cab **
You’re ready for the night and you’re more tarted up and over-decorated than Su Pollard at the Benidorm Christmas Special wrap party, but them’s the breaks! Slight problem – you’ve spent so long prepping yourself like a turkey before it goes into the oven, you’re running very late. OH SCREW IT! you think. It’s Christmas. You happily order a £55 Uber to get you down to the crumby party. And just like when you’ll drunkenly eat every single chocolate on your advent calendar when you stumble in later – you won’t feel an ounce of guilt about it.
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Follow Dolly on Twitter @dollyalderton
Picture: Eugenia Loli
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.