Last night, the most bonkers show in fashion returned, complete with new ways of wearing underwear that we hadn't previously even considered. For instance, who knew a full-sized surfboard was classed as 'lingerie'? Ditto for a space suit? Victoria's Secret did.
Now, we're going to help you figure out when and where is best to wear these new and confusing items of lingerie.
1. For when people have trouble understanding your emotions
Wall of stone? Tough nut to crack? Worry no more with Victoria's Secret's insta-emotion. Just affix your current state of mind to this super chic headdress (backdress?) and head off into the world, safe in the knowledge that your peers are reading you correctly for the first time in _for_ever. Make sure you keep a constant and steady state of mind throughout the day though or you're going to need to invest in a large bag to cart around all your other feelings.
2. For when you've got the beach at 10 but a NASA flight at 2
Combining your day's activities can be stressful. Work first and then a run? Leggings at the office it is. How's about though if you're set to lead that first (wo)manned flight to Mars this afternoon but your beach volleyball team are pissed off that you're missing the finals this morning? This outfit means you can do both meaning that team captain Sarah has got absolutely no reason to bitch you out again. Women; we really *can *have it all.
3. For when there's a fire at your gym
Sweating it out on the running machine when the fire alarm goes off? Watch as the rest of your fellow gym goers rush for the nearest exit while you calmly pull on your fireman pants, grab your cousin's dalmation toy that you carry around for such emergencies and step in to extinguish the fire right as it was about to take out a spin class who were oblivious to the whole thing thanks to the flashing lights and blasting techno. Consider yourself a hero.
4. For when you want to give your Joseph auditon a little bit more 'oomph'
What's that? They're re-opening Joseph on the West End? Get in there sharpish. But how to stand out from all the other Jason Donovan wannabes? With this number that's how. Midway though Any Dream Will Do, whip your coat of many colours open revealing a pair of sass-quatch boots that look like you've knicked them from the Kinky Boots costume cupboard down the road. The director will be impressed with your pizzazz, and your prior experience (in Kinky Boots, obvs).
5. For when your friends want to hit up the club, but you've watched Point Break too many times
God, man, whatever. It's like your friends don't get how strong the call of the surf is. While they're busy on a night out sipping on fancy champers and chatting up boys, you're usually sat in the corner, miserably contemplating how gnarly the waves would be right now. With this outfit, you can do both; an hour with the girls, then a short five-hour train journey down to Cornwall, then enough time to catch one whole wave before heading back home.
6. For when you go to a costume party and the invitation says 'dress as your favourite Kid Rock song'
7. For when the stock market closes at 5, but you're dancing with Beyoncé at 6
Time is money and, when the DOW's up but you sold all your stocks the previous day you need something to help you feel better sharpish. Nope, not booze; Beyoncé. Luckily, she's just around the corner waiting for you in matching hot pants ready to break it down to Partition with you. Ultimate stress reliever amiright, ladies?
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.