**As imagined by Pandora Sykes *
We’ve met before. It was a long time ago; your mum put me with some green velour dungarees. We were both a lot smaller. You covered me in mud and juice, and soggy morsels of cereal. I didn’t mind. We were happy together.
It ended abruptly – the funnel of fabric that separates me from being just another long sleeved T-shirt wouldn’t fit over your ever growing head. I was sent away, to a dark place for years. But here I am, eager to please, ready to get over my FOMO, happy to put the ‘it’ back in knit. Come on, it’s cold outside and I really must stay.
OK, I know I’ve become the clichéd steez for comedy perverts, hunky Ski instructors and Steve Jobs, but doesn’t being Audrey Hepburn’s go-to garm count for anything in the style stakes? And you can’t tell me that Christina Hendricks doesn’t look banging, in her poloneck and pencil skirt? I know, if you’re a bit busty then it’s like, one of life’s rules that you can’t wear a “turtle-neck”. But people used to say that trainers weren’t smart, and that bleached roots looked scruffy, so you know what, if the ultimate hourglass Kim Kardashian, is in my fanclub, then rules schmoolz, I say.
Anyway, look – I just wanted to say that I’m here, there and everywhere, high and low. I know you saw me in Zara, where I was fluffy and cropped. You checked out every shade of my cashmere rainbow in Uniqlo; don’t deny you weren’t tempted. And don’t worry – I’m not going back to the dark place any more. Alexander Wang has been championing me forever and Acne have done a version of me that’s oversized. To be honest, it’s a good job I’m so versatile.
Dress me up, dress me down, I’ll be there when you need me to protect you from scary monsters and bad smells. I’ll hide your love bites after a dirty weekend. I’ll make you feel top class. I’m back baby, and this this time I’m sticking around.
Yours truly,
The Poloneck x
Pictures: Getty, Jason Lloyd-Evans
Follow Pandora on Twitter @pinsykes
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.