In a year that's seen instability, uncertainty and a great deal of pain, fine jewellery brand Fenton has self-published Notes on Love, a collection of essays exploring modern relationships, love, lust and loss. Described by the brand as 'a rallying cry for greater understanding, equality and acceptance across a broad range of communities, individuals and cultures,' the book includes essays written by Pandora Sykes, Candice Braithwaite, Alain de Botton, Vick Hope, Sharmadean Reid and Elizabeth Day.
Love, in all its forms, is explored through the lens of motherhood, as with Sykes' essay, marriage, written by Braithwaite and even divorce, which is the subject chosen by Day – and which you can read below. Laura Lambert, Fenton's founder, says of the three aforementioned women: ' They are all powerful and intelligent women writing eloquently about core experiences that define many women's lives. The choice to commit or cease that commitment, to mother and how to shape future generations define many of our personal lives, wherever we are from and whomever we choose to love.'
BUY: Notes on Love
1 of 1Notes on Love, £24.99
100% of profits generated by sales of the book will go to a number of charities chosen by the contributors, including Black Minds Matter, Women's Aid and The Albert Kennedy Trust.
Ten Things You (by which I mean I) Only Know As a Divorcée, by Elizabeth Day
- You never think it will be you. When you’re walking down the aisle on your wedding day, you might feel a tiny grain of discomfort, like a pebble in your shoe, but you will dismiss this and attribute it to nerves. You do not believe your marriage will end in divorce, of course you don’t. But when it does, you won’t be wholly surprised either.
- When you are married, you will try very hard to make it work. So hard. You will try and try and try. You will explain and when that doesn’t work, you will argue, and then you will cry because you hate to fight, and the whole process will repeat itself in endless cycles. You do not have anything to compare marriage with, so you think this is normal. It isn’t.
- It will take you a long time to confide in your best friend (to whom you normally tell everything) about what is going on behind closed doors. When you do, you are surprised how relieved you feel that she doesn’t think less of you. That she has, in fact, been waiting for you to say something. You feel stronger because of her.
- Telling your husband you are leaving him will be one of the scariest things you will ever do. But instinct will push you to do it, anyway. It will push you far beyond any comfort zones you ever imagined you had. At some point, you know that you have to leave or you will end up losing yourself; you will erase all your wants and needs and desires in order to stay silent and pliant and nice and not kick up a fuss. You know, deep inside, that this is not the way you want to live.
- When you walk out of your marital home for the last time, you will feel strangely calm. This feeling will last for several weeks, until you realise it is actually numbness and that you are in shock. You will be able to operate completely normally on the surface, but you are not sleeping much and you are slightly late for everything and your best friend says it’s like speaking to you through a perspex screen.
- You will feel shame, even if it’s misplaced. Other people will make you feel shame, until you realise it is not their life you’re living. It is yours.
- When the shock subsides, you are astounded by the beautiful gifted freedom of a second chance. You realise that it is never too late to change your life, and you are amazed by this, by the fact that you hadn’t learned this lesson earlier.
- It will take you a year to believe you made the right decision, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t. He will try and persuade you that you are making a terrible mistake. His friends will write you unkind emails. You come to terms with the fact that some people do not like you because they think they know the truth, but they never will. You gain strength from the knowledge that your truth lies beyond their perception of it. You stop explaining yourself, because you don’t have to. You can just be.
- It will take you a long time to remove your wedding ring. That’s ok. You will have flings with men that seem more important than they are. That’s ok too. Love that is ready is waiting for you to be ready for it.
- The people you were most worried about letting down? They will be the ones who love you the most.
Notes on Love is available now for £24.99 from Fenton's website__. All profits go to charity.
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