Way back when in 2013 I bought four slightly ridiculous vintage jumpsuits. I found them one day lurking at the back of a charity shop, reduced, and I couldn't bear to leave any behind.
I wrote about my haul not long after - saying that although I loved them, I wasn't sure I'd ever have the guts to actually wear them in the wild.
And three years later, that's basically proven to be true.
Of the four, the most worn jumpsuit is this bar mitzvah-tastic black and gold number, which I've worn a grand total of, say, three times. One of those times was to my mates mum's 60th birthday party in Hastings, so I'm not even sure that really counts
.
Pros: it's pretty flattering.
Cons: it has rugby league worthy shoulder pads.
Next up is this hippy dippy floral number, which I can remember wearing just once to a friend’s house for a cosy dinner. To be fair, I've considered wearing it on a number of other occasions, but whenever I've tried it on I've realised I look like a children's TV presenter, which is rarely the look I'm going for.
Pros: it's super comfy.
Cons: it make me look preggars.
Then we come to these two: the pink pair. Neither of them have ever been worn IRL, because shockingly (and really, I'm sure this will be mind-blowing new information to you all), wearing head to toe pink in the form of a pair of trousers attached to a top, just isn't all that flattering. And what's more, because it's, you know, pink, you stand out like a sore thumb... Because you actually look like a sore thumb.
Pros: they're pink.
Cons: they're pink.
So there you have it. I've had four vintage jumpsuits for three years, and between them, they've left my wardrobe a grand total of four times. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in myself. There was a time when I would have whacked them on with ne'er a second thought. Revelled in any excuse to show them off. Eagerly anticipated making my grand vintage jumpsuit entrance. But now, I just can't bring myself to do it.
Have I lost my fashion nerve or finally seen sense? I can't decide.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.