So, erm, guess that’s it, guys. Summer’s over and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sure it was fun while it lasted; at least the unfathomably hot weather meant we got some wear out of our holiday clobber once we landed back on these shores, too – which is more than we can say for that devastatingly expensive vintage kaftan we bought for Spain a few years back, which spent the rest of the year being eaten by the friendly moths that live at the back of our wardrobe.
Anyways, one (admittedly small) silver lining of it being nearly September and a darn sight chillier than a few weeks ago is that we can finally start thinking about our autumn wardrobe. Which is always fun, because even though we left school more years ago that we’d care to remember, 15 years of getting a new pair of school shoes around this time has instilled it into our tiny brains that now is the time to go bonkers in the shops. But just a few words of caution: rein it in, big guy – there’s plenty of ways this could all go terribly wrong.
Here’s some pitfalls to avoid.
You’ll get too excited and buy a coat in August and then get coat FOMO
Next to all the scraggly sales racks all that shiny new stuff just looks so freaking exciting you can’t wait to get your paws all over it. Especially that shiny new coat that makes you look just like Victoria Beckham. Yours for a bargainous £145. Except, come October when it’s actually coat weather, everyone else has got a totally different style. That you’re suddenly really into. And you can’t take yours back now, because it’s not on sale any more. Gosh darn it. Too much too soon, buddy. You did too much too soon.
You’ll fall for the catwalk trend that’ll end up in in Primark before you’ve got it home
Remember that Givenchy Bambi sweater that every young hip-hop and happening teenager in Hollywood was pictured in last year? Then remember how Primark started selling a knock-off version and every 15 year old with access to a tenner suddenly had it? Yep. We’re calling it this year with Rodarte’s frankly ah-mah-zing Star Wars collection. What with the new films on their way, we’re guessing Yoda is going to be big news amongst the disposable fashion generation, so steer yourself clear. Unless you can afford the real thing. In which case, erm, we hate you.
You’ll try and wear your new boots in all in one day
Sassy, black and ready to go, you’ve graduated to the point where you’re going to buy real leather ones this year, and wear them to work the very next day. Except you didn’t take into consideration that fact that real leather isn’t as soft wearing as your normal plasticy shoes. By midday you’re up shit creek without a paddle on the way to Blistertown with nary a plaster to your name. By the time you get home you’re hobbling down your road feeling your sexy new boots fill with a healthy dose of blood and blister jus. Note to self, bring an extra set of shoes next time.
You’ll go woolly all too soon
OMGEES, those knitwear spreads they do in the fashion magazines are just your favourite things of the year. Especially since you know now that fuzzy knits are totally still going to be a thing this year. What you didn’t take into account, though, is that the primary function of ‘knitwear’ is to keep you warm, so no matter how super cute your new pale pink number is, donning it pre-October is to risk losing half your bodyweight in sweat by 11AM. Which is handy if you’re a wrestler trying to go down a weight class, but not so handy if you wanted to look chic and sleek.
You’ll use this as a time to drastically change your style
Since you're going to be buying a few new pieces for this year, now seems a good as time as any to finally transform yourself into that fashion maven you’ve always wanted to be. The girls at work aren't going to recognise you when you return yourself to work the autumn. Except they will, because you’ve only been gone three days over the bank holiday and you couldn’t afford to buy enough stuff for a total transformation, so now sit somewhere in between your old self and a mash up of autumn/winter trends that range from grunge to hipster to structured to sportwear. Not a good look, my friend. Not a good look.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
Picture: Lukasz Wierzbowski
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.