The gym makes people weird. Sure they’re probably perfectly nice people IRL, but put people in a windowless basement filled with scary looking machines and the faint smell of drying sweat and girls fall into several very different style tribes. So, which one are you?
The I Don’t Need A Hairband Princess
Seen often on Made In Chelsea, this is the girl who half heartedly uses the cross trainer for 30 seconds before flopping off exhausted but still able to muster up the enthusiasm to talk about Binky’s latest tryst with her pal while they take up valuable stretching space on the mats. Hair down, full face of make-up, at the very least they’re in cleavage enhancing tops, and at the very worst, are taking mirror selfies in their sports bras.
The Primark Warrior
Sensible this lass, mainly because she knows how to get the look for much less that her high-end sportswear toting pals. SportsDirect, Primark... not once has she paid full price for any of the snazzy leggings she proudly displays on her bottom half. Plus, she’s almost certainly got about 15 of those free-with-every-order giant SportsDirect mugs at home which probably fit nearly a bottle of wine in each. So there’s that too.
The Jolly Hockeysticker
Probably captain of the school (*and *university) hockey team once upon a time, this girl (named something like Minty or Flick) is all about the messy bun, skinny elastic headband and a never-ending supply of leavers hoodies, tour t-shirts and collar-up polo shirts. Watch out for some 'hilarious' nicknames emblazoned on the back too ranging from 'Piggy' to 'Chunder Warrior'.
The 'Is That A Dress Or A T-Shirt?' Girl
Hey, heading to the gym can be daunting, especially if you share the space with lots and lots of the ‘I Don’t Need A Hairband’ Girls (see above). So, if you need to wear a t-shirt so large that Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs would have taken his proverbial late-90’s hat off to you in order to feel comfortable then you go right ahead sister. Just make sure it doesn’t get caught in the chest press.
The Bedroom Floordrober
As in they're wearing whatever wasn't in the wash and whatever was in easy reach and on their bedroom floor. Hell, one time we even went to the gym in pyjamas and lace up pumps thanks to everything else we owned being in a giant washing pile that was starting to smell more and more like a fine brie on a daily basis. The only problem? They turned out to be* thermal* pyjamas and holy hell if there’s two things that should never spend any time together then it’s ‘thermals’ and ‘sweating’. Heat rash to the groin ladies.
The Splash The Cash-er
While there’s one thing to be said for going to proper sportswear companies to get proper sportswear that do important things like, letting your armpits breathe easier, there’s no-one on this whole entire earth that needs proper designer sportswear. Paying £200 to get arse crack sweat all over a pair of shorts? MORE FOOL YOU SISTER.
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How Not To Be A Gym Dick If You're Relatively New To The Whole Thing
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.