Ever since he walked out of a barber’s shop last week the world has been appalled at Robert Pattinson. He'd had a neat landing strip undercut above his neck, admittedly probably an ill-conceived idea but not necessarily the worst thing a handsome man can do.
Still, he has been roundly mocked. Many have pointed out, it makes the back of his head look a lot like a waxed vagina. And worse than having a bad barnet, many think he’s done it only to impress his amazing art-pop girlfriend FKA Twigs, whose created a song of the year in 'Two Weeks'. We assume he’s adopting an edgier hair-care regime in order to transform himself into FKA Pattz, which is, well, a little try-hard.
On the other hand, I sympathise. Many of us have been there. The things men do in the name of love.
Apparently - studies say - us men only change their hairstyles three times in their adult lives, so it’s always an important moment. I’ve been to art school and had an undercut, so I think I can relate to what’s happening inside Robert’s (half-shorn) head. I’ve even wandered around a house party in Camberwell, with that undercut, and tried to chat up one of Robert’s ex-girlfriends (no, not Kristen Stewart); but to no avail. I learnt first hand having your hair cut by the fashion students does not instantly make you irresistible to all the fashion students.
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For me I recall when I was studying art history as a teenager alongside lots of posh girls in pashminas and cashmere, I tried to dress more preppy - pink shirts and chinos; it didn’t really work though. At art school with the hipster girls I wore lots of messy oversized jumpers and skinny jeans; it didn’t really work either. I once dated a girl who would always talk about her love of Nazi uniforms, I never indulged her with that one. It still didn't work.
On the one hand I was trying to better fit in, and hoping to impress my crushes. But on the other it was just a good excuse for experimenting with my style as I was growing up; because, when I was still living at home, all my mates would have mocked me if I'd so much as worn a cardigan. And who knows what they would have said if I'd had a rectangle shaved into my hair?
It's not really any different from when I was at school and a girl told me she liked trance, so I borrowed all the trance mix CDs from the library. It's a way of better understanding someone else's taste whilst also broadening your own horizons. After all, I still really like trance today.
Having said that, no-one wants to be told how to dress. Like having your teacher tell you to tuck in your shirt at school, it's something that makes you want to do the complete opposite. One girlfriend used to tell me I should wear more smart white shirts, and buy less baggy T-shirts, and that my glasses looked geeky, and I would just ignore her; which was quite petulant and childish, but she didn't seem to mind that much.
Personally I would advise any boyfriend not to let their girlfriend dress them; but also not to tell her what to wear either! I doubt Twigs ordered Robert to have an undercut, just as I doubt he ordered her to have Egyptian braids to the Mercury's.
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Still, that's not saying a fashion decision can't make or break a relationship. I usually have my hair cut by an evangelical Korean man, who suggests that I come to his church and frequently boasts that he’s the best barber in London.
However, once when he was closed I wandered up the road, foolishly, and had a horrific, disastrous undercut, and soon after that I was dumped by my beautiful girlfriend (who had beautiful hair). I still sort of blame my haircut, and myself for ever allowing myself to get a haircut in a £7 barbershop next to a chicken shop. Before we broke up I recall her saying something, softly and kindly, like, 'I, um, think you look better with long hair.' Life is cruel.
To be honest I don’t think changing your clothes, or your hair, is a good way to make a girl fall in love with you. But if an awful, terrible haircut is the way to a pop-star’s heart I’m all for having one. If I have lots of red roses shaved into my hair, will Cheryl Cole suddenly have an affair with me? I'd be prepared to give it a shot.
I hope FKA-Patz goes far further. I hope, like his beau, he starts wearing Marques’Almeida ripped denim everywhere and twisting his body into strange vogue shapes, and that if he accidentally drops his toothbrush around her house he picks it up like this.
They’re an unexpected, interesting couple, I sincerely hope they stay together and continue to challenge the very notion of the celebrity haircut.
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Follow Dean On Twitter: @DeanKissick
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.