Golden Globes 2016 Red Carpet: If Dresses Could Talk

From Kate Hudson's Britney Spears tribute to Wiz Khalifa's teeny tiny pants, here's what celebs' outfits had to say for themselves.

Golden Globes 2016 Red Carpet: If Dresses Could Talk

by Jess Commons |

Every awards season we listen to what the celebs have to say on the red carpet. How's about this year we give their outfits a chance to air their concerns? We spoke to some of last night's most choice outfits to find out how their night was going.

Kate Hudson's sparkly noughties tribute dress


'GHD'ed blonde locks? Check. Boob tube? Check. Matching choker with a healthy sprinking of diamantes? Nailed it. 2002 Britney Spears, my tribute to you is complete. Shame you're probably still too busy trying to get out of that tree to appreciate my hard work.'

Jennifer Lopez's caped yellow glory-stealer dress

'You Instagram-hungry younger celeb babies have been getting too big for your (Jimmy Choo) boots (Kardashians, I'm looking at you). Enter *me. *I serve only one purpose; to once and for all, take the red carpet in the name of J-Lo. Consider me a metaphorical territory marker (yellow colour intentional). J-Lo owns the red carpet. And will do until her dying day. When, incidentally, she will look even younger than she does now.'

Laverne Cox's ode to excellence dress

'TBF, Laverne could turn up in an empty McDonalds bag with a cheese-stained Big Mac container for a hat and she'd still look better than 99% of the people that have ever walked the planet. I just serve as the icing - that extra 1% to take her to the top of the top. Fun fact: the hands up, praise emoji? Created especially for Laverne.'

Natalie Dormer's make-do-and-mend dress

'In the same way that Phoebe Buffay used a giant Christmas decoration to cover up a wardrobe malfunction, I too endeavoured to carry on valiantly in spite of a few broken straps. Who knew what Joan Collins' necklace, super glue and a healthy dose of prayer could do for a dress?'

Felicity Huffman's smoking hot slinky slinkster gown

'Is my neckline on fire or am I just pleased to see you? Actually, that heat is coming from your BURNING LOINS; courtesy of Felicity who is probably currently making you do that thing that happens to animals in old-timey cartoons when they see someone they fancy; bulgy out eyes, lolloping tongue, red alert klaxon sound... the whole lot.'

Kirsten Dunst and Garrett Hedlund's matching gothic couple outfits

'Not only do these guys look spectacular, they're also ready to head over to the dramatic reading of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven that's happening down the road after the awards. How's that for efficient dressing?'

Wiz Khalifa's teeny tiny pants

'That moment when your mum shrank your trousers in the wash but she's your date to the Golden Globes so you can't say anything about it. Also; memo to mums; the day you stop gifting us socks for Christmas is the day we stop wearing them altogether.'

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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