Picture a lithe, tanned yoga girl on a beach in India perfectly still and inverted in a perfect headstand. Now look slightly to her left to the girl whose boobs are currently attempting a dramatic prison break from their spandex cage as she follows suit in a slightly less perfect shoulder stand. That one’s me.
Death by breast asphyxiation might seem like a dream for some, but not when it’s your own, or when it becomes part of your daily exercise routine. It is a struggle just trying to get my 36F boobs to sit perfectly when I’m at my desk, let alone on a run, without blinding someone or indecently exposing myself.
Like every other busty women, if I do not have adequate support during exercise, I am left with wonky looking nipples and a cleavage that even Dolly Parton would tut at.
Scientists at the University of Portsmouth have discovered that many women (17 per cent of 239 surveyed) say their breasts are one of the main reasons they avoid exercise
So it doesn’t come as shock to me that scientists at the University of Portsmouth have discovered that many women (17 per cent of 239 surveyed) say their breasts are one of the main reasons they avoid exercise.
They also mentioned the fact that they couldn’t find the right bra and hated the attention they got. My chest literally aches for these girls, as they obviously hadn’t yet discovered the rigorous binding that now allows me to partake in the more bouncier sports.
My biggest problem with statistics like that is that many people think that in order to make your chest size smaller you just have to exercise, but working out with massive boobs attached just isn’t that enjoyable and it’s not always just a case of hopping on the treadmill, running until you’re a B-cup and stepping out in spaghetti straps and no bra at the end of the summer. Believe me, I have tried.
Sometimes we have to accept that breasts are just here to stay. But if you’re worried about people looking at you or irreparable breast tissue damage, what I found is that the better the bra, the better you feel.
It’s a simple truth but something that lots of fellow big-breasted women I know still seem to ignore.
I was surprised to hear that my sister who works out often doesn’t even own a sports bra, but instead ‘constructs’ one from wearing a bra that is too small with a crop top over it. In the search for the perfect bra, others have simply opted for double wrapping with two moderately supportive tops.
And even when you do try to find the right sports bra, it can be a recipe in breast tissue disaster. Another ample-bosomed friend in her twenties admitted to finding every sports bra she has ever owned too tight, always leaving her with either a ‘front sausage’ (her words) or ‘Gaultier peaks’ which has put her off exercising, as she does not feel supported by any sports brands.
But, after years of practice, I swear it is possible. You can look amazing in sportswear – by which I mean your boobs stay round and the back fat is minimal. Brands like Shock Absorber and Lynx Sports really support from the base of the bra now with racer backs and thicker straps so you can train without deep ridges being imprinted on your shoulders.
Forward planning is also important for me though. If it’s a sunny day there’s no way I’m leaving without a sports bra on under my normal bra. I love an impromptu game of rounders more than anyone, but you need only to play one ad hoc basketball game in an Ann Summers plunge bra to know that playing it cool just ends up with you ‘freeing the nipple’ while you’re trying to shoot.
Then you end up looking like some crazed animal, frantically scooping them back into your bra.
And no one wants that, right?
Freya, Active purple rain swimsuit, £60, Freyalingerie.com; Shock Absorber, Run Bra in sized D to F, £37.99, Runnersneed.com; Lynx Sportswear, Racer back zoom bra, £33, Lessbounce.com; Anita, Active Extreme Control Sports Bra, £46, Figleaves.com; Moving Comfort, Juno bra, £33, Movingcomfort.com; Nike Free, 4.0 fly knit running shoe, £110, Nike.com
Follow Alice on Twitter @alice_again
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.