‘Summer Is A Conscious Cellulite Sufferers Worst Season’

Midi skirts, let me kiss your mid-level hem…

Cellulite & The Summer

by Holly Rains |
Published on

YEY! SUMMER IS HERE! SUN! HEAT! GOD BLESS YOU SOLAR DEITY AND YOUR WARMING ORANGE GLOW. Just don’t, for the love of Helios (Greek Sun God, yo), make me show my legs in public...

Summer is a strange and complex beast, as soon as it creeps above freezing factor and the sky turns a lighter shade of blue (apologies if you have Steps in your head right now), the nation joins together in an easy alliance with a single policy... That of chilling the fuck out. As if we’ve all collectively downed a serotonin-packed smoothie and realised there is more to life than sitting in bed watching Netflix. And how does this manifest itself IRL? By wearing less clothes.

Don’t get me wrong, I like summer, I think it's OK. It's nice to know what being warmish feels like, and trees with leaves on? Cool. But because we live in a modern world where trends decree that shorts and suede minis are all fine to wear inside and OUTSIDE the confines of your house, I have come to fully resent scanty summer clothing.

Summer is a conscious cellulite sufferers worst season, I say conscious as some girls really don't give a shit if they've got it or not and wear thigh and cheek revealing garms all year round regardless of 'The Peel' - I'm going to refer to it as 'The Peel' from now on as it adds an air of indie mystique to an otherwise shit affliction, like The Kooks, but worse, you can't turn cellulite off.

In a cruel twist of fate, sunlight casts cruel shadows on sufferers of 'The Peel; dimples become more pronounced, shorts seem to have been stitched with tiny twatty arrows that point toward each uneven lump (hell, even stretch marks turn a shade of silvery precious metal in the sun), there really is no covering it up - fake tan doesn't work, I've tried. And wearing tights in summer is just... seriously, this is not even worthy of an explanation, just say no to denier between the months of May to September.

So, either embrace it like the aforementioned, body confident - or poorly sighted - girls of peel, or like me, dress to hide it.

It's actually harder than it sounds, going a whole season, or more if its one of those annoying 'Indian Summers' that drag on til Christmas, without showing your upper legs (below the knee is OK for me, I don't think knees or shins have the capacity for storing peel), but it can be done.

Just a side note, ALL girls can get cellulite, fatties, thinnies, models, normals, just imagine Calvin Harris was actually 'The Peel' in human form when he wrote, "I like them big girls, I like them skinny girls, I like them carrying a little bit of weight girls". Cheers Calvin, you absolute cellulite- loving twat.

City shorts are an option, you know, long knee-hugging ones that are a mix between Fat Willy board shorts and tailored trousers, and so are maxi skirts, but I always feel a sharp stab of jealousy when girls sans peel cartwheel past in flimsy shorts and skirts that aren’t made up of an acre-worth of viscose. Which is why, my friend, midi-skirts are THE DREAM.

A suggestion of summer if you will, midi’s show a nice bit of leg (like the only nice bit of my leg), give your look a floaty, semi-nautical feel and you can wear them successfully with trainers, ankle boots, Birks, the lot. And when you go to London Fields for a Tesco Value picnic, you’ve got a ready-made dress napkin to catch all the crumbs (you look like a proper lady when you waft out said crumb-skirt).

Or, you can just emulate the summer of 2013, when I spent the season entirely in jeans. Moist, but effective.

If all this talk about “The Peel’ has got you properly sad for summer, may I direct you Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram page and her ‘stretchies’. If she doesn’t make you feel better about your current leg status, nothing will. Trust in Chrissy people, trust…

Liked this? You might also be interested in...

Here's How To Make That Old Midi Skirt Work For Your Best Mate's Bday This Saturday Night

Got Big Boobs? Here's How To Wear All This Summer's Trends

'I Hate Summer Clothes' Here's How To Get Dressed If You Hate Showing Skin

Follow Holly on Twitter @Holly_Rains

Picture: Lukasz Wierzbowski

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

Just so you know, whilst we may receive a commission or other compensation from the links on this website, we never allow this to influence product selections - read why you should trust us