On the bus, in your bed, by the pool – it’s literally the world’s most portable, addictive hobby. (And no, not that.) You barely even realise what you’ve done, until you click ‘checkout’ and your bank account nosedives. Here are a few ways to tell that when it comes to online shopping, you’ve got 99 problems, and lack of spending ain’t one.
1. You know every single ‘new in’ section off by heart
‘I like your new Topshop dress! It dropped on Wednesday, right?’ you tell a friend – who looks at you with actual fear in her eyes.
2. You set your alarm clock for 3am, so you can get the last bid in on eBay
Because who trusts the automated system? You’ll beat ‘funkifashgirl88’ even if it KILLS YOU.
**3. You forget you’ve bought something until an ASOS-shaped package arrives at your desk
**
That’ll teach you to laptop in bed.
4. You spend hours at the post office returning items
Or on the phone to DHL paying exorbitant import taxes on a skirt that’s five sizes too big and four times ranker than you remember it looking online. You’re so bored by the end of the returns process that you vow never to go online shopping again. Until tomorrow.
5. You wake up on a Saturday with a pulsating hangover, an open laptop and a gmail full of schizophrenic Amazon confirmations
They seem to indicate that you purchased a multi-pack of novelty spatulas and a three-CD compendium of Shania Twain hits.
6. When you’re sad, you ‘go online’
Like emotional eating – where the new pair of Zara studded loafers becomes your metaphorical Krispy Kreme – you purge in secret. It’s only once you realise how much you’ve just spent, that that the real tears come.
7. You get everything delivered to the office, so that you can rip off the tags before you take it home to your housemates
‘What, this old thing?’ you say, insouciantly, praying they won’t see through your patent fibbery and lock you into that shopaholic detox.
**8. Under your desk looks like a Christmas tree and you’ve given the courier guy at work a hernia **
It might be time to admit that you might, just might, have a big, fat addiction.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.