Thongs have got a bad rep as of late - what with sales being down, and granny pants being hailed as the new saviour of butts, but I'll defend them to the death. I wear thongs. I wear them every day, I wear them in bed, I wear them to work. I wear them to the gym. I've worn them since I got a sparkly pink joke pair as a present for my 16th birthday. For too long thongs have been thought of as 'naughty' or 'saucy' or 'dirty' and any manner of other creepy-uncle-adjectives you can think of, but I just don’t get the aversion to them. To me, the thong is the perfect panty, unparalleled underpant, best brief, and here’s why.
A lack of VPL
We all know what VPL is, because we’ve worn those tight skinnies or that really nice dress that was completely ruined by the very obvious outline of our buttocks trying to break free from our knickers. It’s not a great sight and sometimes it’s uncomfortable (can I get a "CHAFFING"?!). Wearing thongs means I literally never have to worry about how my bum looks in anything, which is super handy considering how, in one day, I’ll go from work wear to gym gear to going out clothes and not have to even consider changing my underwear.
Forgiving
Thongs are extremely forgiving, providing you buy the right type and size. Most thongs are made with an elastic waist band which means, if you’re like me and eat only bread and chocolate for five days followed by a week of intense workouts and salad, you’ll fluctuate in weight. Thongs mean there’ll be no squeezing of the butt cheeks (hence no VPL) and a whole lot of forgiving in the waist band.
They're naturally flattering
Okay I hear ya, thongs have gained a bad rep since the 90’s, but that's mainly down to the despicable trend of girls wearing them so that they were visible above the waistband, and of course Sisqo's inspired 90’s hit Thong Song helped build their 'trashy' reputation.
However, if you’re a normal human and like to keep your underwear inside your trousers when you’re food shopping there’s no need to think of them as tarty. Instead they can be an incredibly flattering choice, that can make your bum look it’s peachiest and if the moment arrives for some hanky panky (hehe) you’ll look as if you were totally prepared.
They're not gross
If you're clean, they're clean. And I won't be going into detail but you know what I'm talking about.
They're comfortable
Everyones immediately reaction to thongs is 'They must be so uncomfortable! All up in your…… grill like that.' That was not a direct quote.
My grill was pleasantly surprised, however, as thongs are actually the complete opposite. If you make sure you’re only wearing cotton ones and not those satin-with-3d-pink-roses-ooh-romantic type panties you’ll find that in the same way as when someone first told you about how tampons worked and you freaked the fuck out, thongs are completely unnoticeable and way more comfortable than they sound.
They're workout-friendly
I’m not going to beat around the bush here: when I workout, I sweat. Not like 'Ooh my armpits are slightly moist and my little button nose is sparkling!”'but like 'I AM GRUNTING LIKE A TROLL AND MY BUM IS SO SWEATY I COULD SLIDE HOME' so I can’t be dealing with another layer of clothing. So during an intense HIIT session a cotton thong means freedom to move, again, no VPL and a lot less sweating as far as the old peach is concerned.
Between a smooth-looking butt in a dress, freedom to eat cake and still be comfy and making my boyfriend emit a little whimpering noise when I whip off my jeans, to me, the thong is the ultimate in lady lingerie and I'll never go back to briefs. So, next time you're in H&M, grab a 3 pack of cotton thongs for £7.99 and you'll never look back... unless it's to check out how good your ass looks in it.
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Follow Gina on Twitter: @geegeeash
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.