‘As far as I could remember, fashion has always been my defence mechanism. Even as a child, I remember thinking, “She can beat me, but she cannot beat my outfit.”’ That was Rihanna at last week’s CDFA’s being typically self-effacing as she won her ‘fashion icon’ award. Oh, how we laughed. Well not us, the people at the awards (you know, Vanity Fair types) because, let’s face it, there was a very real reason Rihanna was there and we weren’t. A bleak and brutal truth. To paraphrase The Smiths, ‘Some people look better than others and some people make it their business to make sure they look better than everyone else so they can be famous and win awards.’ Or something.
But it did make us think about those other barbarisms that get thrown around by friends frenemies. And how to respond:
1. What they say: ‘Oh no, awks, we’re wearing the same Zara trousers. I didn’t realise they went up to your size.’
What to do: Simple. Immerse your comeback in sarcasm by looking equally embarrassed before stating that yes, fortunately for you, Zara now stock XXL, then walk away, re-thinking your entire friendship.
2. What they say: ‘Mate, I LOVE your top. Primark have really upped their game.’
What to do: Laugh. Politely correct them. Then explain it’s fine, easy mistake to make, before relaxing safe in the knowledge that they’re more familiar with the new season’s collection than you.
3. What they say: ‘Cool shirt. I always pillage my dad’s wardrobe when I go home, too.’
What to do: If it is your Dad’s shirt, fair play to them. If it’s not, then say that your dad’s dead.
4. What they say: ‘You paid how much for that coat?’
What to do: Explain that while, yes, you probably paid too much for it, but apparently we now live in a post-Rana-Plaza-world, so WHATCANYOUDO.
5. What they say: ‘Your mom jeans are really nice. [Beat] Say, did you ever think of trying a low-rise fit?’
What to do: Say, ‘I didn’t, no, but thanks for the tip. I like your skirt, though. [Beat]. Say, did you know that everyone has a very specific length which suits them?’
6. What they say: ‘I’m throwing out some stuff because it’s too big for me. Do you want it?’
What to do: Take it on the chin. The dress would totally transform your spring/summer wardrobe.
Follow Morwenna on Twitter @morwennastar
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.