Fun-loving, life-enhancing accessory WLTM a neck who appreciates my ability to gravitate between Milla Jovovich sexy, Sabrina Spellman wholesome, and Cosima Diamond airport chic. I'm tired of being relegated to the last ditch attempt of saving an outfit which is already three stages too Cher Horowitz and no stages original. Too many times has my name been searched online alongside the terms "gothic" or "clueless". I'm bored of being pigeonholed and I'm here to remind you (along with Alanis) that there's a whole lot more to me than '90s deadstock.
A choker can lift your unwashed hair and hangover up to heights of Ghost World grumpy sexiness like no other. Think of me as a morning after must-have, yes I might make you gag a bit – especially when you think back to last night’s jaeger bombs – but you’ll thank me when you suddenly run into your ex-boyfriend on the way to get the weekend papers.
Plus, I’m not just black and grungy, you know that right? I’ve found a place on the neck of all your idols. From Julie’s diamante “FOXY” choker in Jawbreaker and all the way up to the heavy metal numbers in Chanel cruise 2014. See? I’m your next can’t-live-without-it accessory.
Forget scraping around in the bargain bins at Hot Topic for me though. I’m so good you don’t even have to buy me: just tie the back of one of your other necklaces up with a rubber band and remember not to sue me when you possibly strangle yourself in your sleep. Or cut the bottom off an old leather skirt and use that - you wouldn’t be the first. (And hey matching mini-skirt!).
Or if you’re not into risking your life or destroying your wardrobe you can just get one of these ones instead. Either way, I want to be on your neck ASAP. Not that I’m desperate or anything. Call me!
Sincerely yours,
Chokers everywhere.
Chunky curb chain choker, Topshop, £14
Crystal choker, Claire's Accessories, £12
Mint rhinestone choker, Etsy, £10
Leather choker, Etsy, £7.49
Pictures: Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.