My boyfriend dresses exclusively in long sleeved shirts and trousers. If we went to Glastonbury, he would probably wear a Barbour jacket and chinos. In summer, he occasionally goes for 'seasonal funky', which involves floral shirts and has been likened many a time to Cam from Modern Family.
Luckily, I like the look. I think he looks smart and grown up, which offsets my wardrobe of black H&M boob tube dresses and plastic boots which I should have burnt upon graduation.
I know many a lady, however, that would hitch up their harem pants and run for the Annapurna foothills should they be approached by a man in chinos. I also know a gaggle of girls who would kick off their kitten heels and and haul ass to Parsons Green if they were approached by a man in skinny jeans and a heavy metal t-shirt.
The way a guy dresses is intrinsically linked to your attraction to them, because it speaks volumes about his lifestyle, values, personality and personal hygiene. It helps you analyse how much shared interest you might have; soul mates have been connected through little more than a Star Wars t-shirt.
Unfortunately, a gentleman's 'style' isn't always immediately obvious.
Say, for example: in his Tinder photo he was wearing a DJ, you meet up, he's wearing slightly suspect high-waisted jeans. Second date, he's sporting a 1980's leather jacket along with those jeans. By the third date, when you have his long silver skull earring dangling into your pint it becomes clear that he wishes he was Meatloaf. But because he's eased you in, you've had some great chats, maybe some great sex, it seems a bit of a shame to end things based on his fashion Timewarp.
Just to pull a number out of my arse, let's say it takes two months to figure out that you are going out with a wannabe star of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. What do you do? You don't really know him well enough to outright tell him he's doing himself a huge disservice but you find yourself holding back on introducing him to your friends.
In this situation, you have three options:
Cut and Run
My bezza, Stophanie (I have changed one letter of her name to protect her identity) has just done away with (dumped.. not killed) her beau of two months on the grounds that her frustration with his appearance was outweighing the benefit of the relationship altogether. Here are some soundbites from an extremely long Whatsapp thread:
'When he wears a weird outfit I just have no interest whatsoever but when he's wearing what suits him, I fancy the pants off him. It's because he's so huge and has a massive beard, if he's not well dressed he looks seriously uncouth. But when he's in a shirt with his chest tattoo showing it looks brill!'
'And while I grant you it was cold, he once wore a polo neck thermal under the football shirt he wore to a game with me. And he decided to also wear his glasses AND an East 17 beanie hat high, almost sitting, on his head. It was so intense I could hardly look at him. I was mean to him that day.'
'Whenever he wore things that suited him I wouldn't stop complimenting him because I couldn't outright say: you look like a turd in anything else. But it just got too much in the end.'
After this long rant she concluded 'The fact is, if I fancied him enough, I wouldn't care what he wore, and the fact it affects me so much is a bad sign.' Which were wise words.
Deal with it
Your personal list of deal breakers are your list of non-negotiables; the longer the list, the fussier you are.
If your list consists of things such as: halitosis, nose-picking and scraping out the fluff from underneath his toenails and eating it - YOU ARE TOTALLY NORMAL. Whereas if it reads: doesn't buy me diamonds, complains when I shag other people and can't fly - you may want to question your expectations.
Are you discounting the opportunity for a wonderful relationship with a beautiful man because he lives in kagools? If yes, the problem lies with you and stop being so harsh on the poor bloke. Kagools are practical.
Try and change him
One should never go into a relationship wanting to change elements of the other person as invariably they will not succeed. Male fashion, however, is a grey area which has proven time and again to be perfectly malleable.
Two routes of attack:
**1) Theft **
Property PA, Katie, says 'Just get rid of the stuff you hate. Be ruthless but stealthy. Don't give them to a charity shop on his road, only nick one piece at a time and act stupid if he asks about it. Then make goddamn sure you're there when he goes clothes shopping'.
2) Counselling
Entrepreneur, Siobhan prefers the balls-out, verbal approach that works so well in the business world. 'I just had to man up and tell him that if he ever wore double denim again, he wouldn't see me again. Obviously I put it in a jokey way but bless him, he just didn't realised how awful he looked. He took it like a chum and was really open to my suggestions on what else to wear. His friends even noticed a change for the better which was great confirmation for me!"
If this is the method you choose, gauge your audience, the stage of your relationship and his levels of sensitivity first. Tact is key. Don't, however, bother with the 'if the shoe was on the other foot' logic. Men will definitely not be as offended as women and tend to respond surprisingly well to blunt obvious statements (see below: B) rather than hints (see below: A).
A: 'Are you going to change before we meet my parents?'
B: 'Take that motherfucking brown khaki button-down short sleeved shite coloured eyesore off immediately because if I see you in it for one second longer my eyes will melt'
Finally, some advice for him
NEVER criticize a woman's wardrobe.
Like this? You might also be interested in...
What Happens When A Black Clothes Addict Is Forced To Wear Pink For A Week
Follow Madeleine on Twitter: @maddyknight
Picture: Sophie Davidson
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.