The BAFTAs 2014: If Dresses Could Talk

So The BAFTAs is full of red carpet frocks... and they've all got a voice.

by Pandora Sykes |
Published on

The BAFTAs 2014: If Dresses Could Talk

Lily Allen1 of 16

Lily Allen

'Lily doesn't play by the rules and I don't either. Obviously - I'm Vivienne Westwood! That's why we're new BFFs. Some say red and pink clash; Lil and I say, sod off pedants. Some say bubblegum pink feathers shooting out of your ears would be too much; Lil and I say, they're the new earrings. Bring it.'

Josephine De La Baume2 of 16

Josephine De La Baume

'Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir...'. Oops, pardon. You caught me serenading Mademoiselle Josepheeeen. But come on, my Marios Schwab ass has a good chance - I am tres sexi, non? With my little bit of peekaboo sheer? I think we both know the answer to that.'

Sai Bennett3 of 16

Sai Bennett

'So I'm kinda chuffed to be draped over one half of Britain's cutest thesp couple. Sod all that extra adornment; I'm all about the virginal minimalism with a few nods to my Chanel origins via my signature gold buttons. I' as cool as a Mr Whippy and as fresh as my mistresses's peachy skin'.

Lupita Nyong'o4 of 16

Lupita Nyong'o

'I actually lost my shit when I heard that everyone's No.1 new crush - we're talking Jennifer Lawrence levels of love - would be wearing me to the BAFTAs. It's apt that I am jade green Dior Couture, too, because you are totally green with envy that I get to meet Lupita Nyong'o. Bad luck, sisters!'

Olga Kurylenko5 of 16

Olga Kurylenko

'Piss off, I'm not trying to be a mermaid, ok? I'm actually hella trendy - John Rocha at his most avant garde, in fact. I'm orange - it's the new pink - I'm covered in sequins like Henry Holland's latest show, I've cut a kickass cut-out and i'm totally tied up in a bow. Boom.'

Angelina Jolie6 of 16

Angelina Jolie

'Look, I really don't have time to talk to you. I'm too busy being as effortlessly androgynous as a YSL tuxe can be (Brad's wearing a matching one, FYI - so we're not that effortless, perhaps). F*ck the frills, I'm proof that a man's dress shirt and a black suit are red carpet dynamite.'

Naomie Harris7 of 16

Naomie Harris

'Don't be snide. Just because you can imagine me on a Dragon's Den beautician hopeful doesn't mean I can't have Bond Girl aspirations. Anyway, I'm Gucci - and combined with Naomie Harris' natural born chicittude, I'm less Lord Sugar, more shaken not stirred.'

Maggie Gyllenhaal8 of 16

Maggie Gyllenhaal

'Get me, Kate Middleton. I bet you've never been allowed to wear all the crown jewels across your boobs. Well, Maggie has, with my Lanvin self. Along with some very a la mode sheer florals. I'm basically a one woman party. Toot toot!'

Alicia Vikander9 of 16

Alicia Vikander

'I'm an unsual one, I'll grant you. But I'm Chanel, so I can pretty much get away with anything. I would sum up my vibe as 'patriotic duckling'. Choupette loves it. Plenty of white feathers with mini Union Jack homages. I'm nothing if not original.'

Michelle Rodriguez10 of 16

Michelle Rodriguez

'Heavens to Betsy, I had a right old time trying to pin Michelle down for a fitting. She was too busy paintballing with her new model love. Finally I smacked some of my Emilio de la Morena leather down on that globe-trotting tush of hers. And we ended up looking pretty darn fierce.'

Imogen Poots11 of 16

Imogen Poots

'You know when you cut a paper chain? It totally works for a dress too. A few snips in my Givenchy later and I'm a myriad of missing diamonds. I've certainly made Imogen happy.'

Lea Seydoux12 of 16

Lea Seydoux

'If one more 'gagster' says to Lea, 'Blue really is the warmest colour!' I'm going to spontaneously burst at my Prada seams. Can we please focus instead on my double layer skirt (sheer maxi over opaque mini) and that I go spectacularly well with her new red hair? Honestly, thank god I'm not Fifty Shades of Grey.

Samantha Barks13 of 16

Samantha Barks

'Initially, I thought we might be heading to Sam's wedding - meaning a guaranteed good night for me, wink wink - but then she added some gobstopper pearls to tone down my bridal aspirations and I looked kinda cool, in my minimalist Calvin Klein ways. OK, well as edgy as a white strapless dress is ever gonna get.'

Cate Blanchett14 of 16

Cate Blanchett

How sophisticated am I? Darkly sexy and utterly plain except for my silver roses. There's no doubt that I, a McQueen dress, was born for a winner (like Cate. Ha!)

Laura Carmichael15 of 16

Laura Carmichael

'I thought Edith was going to be really snooty, but she's actually a real gas! You can probably guess i'm Erdem. It's the black forest forals, right? I've kept things suitably femme with a sprinkling of embellished flowers and Laura's top knot lends a girlish edge to my natural vamp.'

Amy Adams16 of 16

Amy Adams

After all Amy's perfectly rendered boobage in American Hustle, she was after a higher neckline. Not mumsy, mind; my Victoria Beckham sheer cropped collared blouse and fitted fishtail dress keeps things fresh and original. But it's just a bit classic. Like Amy, herself.'

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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