Most of my Christmas days start in pyjamas, but I put a bra on underneath because it’s a special occasion. Then I layer whatever gifts I’m given - new slippers! Snazzy earrings! A scarf! – on top of my pyjamas. Once I’ve added a cardigan (sorry - new cardi!) over it all, my Christmas look is complete - Bridget Jones meets Shelley Duvall in The Shining.
Occasionally, I wonder what it would be like to be one of those people who gets dressed up for Christmas (this is the same part of me that looks longingly at maribou mules and silk robes). I imagine it would look a little like this…
1. Joyce, Edward Scissorhands
Christmas-Day-at-Malibu-Barbie’s-dream-house-via-Abigail’s-Party is the general vibe here. I know Joyce is kind of a dick, but I can’t argue with her crushed velvet trousers.
2. Martha May Whovier, The Grinch
You see, this just proves the versatility of velvet. Martha May looks like a glorious Christmas strawberry and why don’t I own any elbow length gloves?
3. White Christmas
Da-da-da, da-da-da-da! They’ll be expecting red, so what do you do HIT THEM IN THE FACE WITH TURQUOISE. Boy peacocks have all the fun and it’s really not cool.
4. The Ice Princess, Batman Returns
I mean, sha-fucking-zam. I love everything about this, especially the Dion-from-Clueless hat, and think that Christmas wouldn’t suffer from having a little more pageantry
5. Mrs Claus, Santa Claus The Movie.
The ‘If I want to wear polka dots then I’ll wear MF-ing polka dots. I run this shit’ school of Christmas dressing.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.