How To Ride Out Your New Season Trend Obsession

Every September, I have a small meltdown. It’s as reliable a feature of the early days of autumn as crisp winds, blackberries in hedgerows and gluts of women rediscovering the comfort of tights. While other people get excited at the prospect of unknotting all their black opaques, I like to embrace the new scholastic year with an academic research project. Also known as a crapload of shopping.

But not just generalised shopping; a specific fashion fixation. Almost overnight, I become consumed with desire for one or two certain items. Maybe a hemline or a shape of sleeve, perhaps a certain print or new type of heel. Things that I’d have struggled to form an opinion on at all if you’d asked me a week ago, suddenly have me feverish, froth-mouthed, obsessed. I can't relax and enjoy my Sunday night TV and crumble until I have one. And not just one, but The One.

Right now, for example, I’m fixated on finding the definitive leopard print midi dress (it is always some form of midi dress), and the ultimate white cowboy ankle boots (it is also, now I come to think of it, usually some kind of boot).

The white cowboy boots I can blame on Ganni, who finally made wearable the trend that has been line dancing around since Calvin Klein brought it back in 2016, and whose black-soled Callie pair I’d be showing a great time if they weren’t £355. The leopard midi dress you can blame on every second woman who has walked past me on Oxford Street, looking like Chloe Sevigny going as Bet Lynch to a Corrie theme party.

They’re not exactly niche buys. My desires are… conventional. ’Easy!’ you’re thinking. ‘I’ve seen them all over the place!’ Have you, though? I need specifics. Measurements. Geolocations. Don’t you dare just say ‘umm... Zara?’ or so help me God, I will cry.

Because what should be a simple, new season mini-haul – browse, add to basket, continue with life – has turned into an all-consuming mission. I’m spending every spare minute scrolling, and searching, and scrolling, and debating lengths and waistlines and colourways and buying and trying on and sending back and it's more effort than I ever put into finding a boyfriend. People buy houses with less faff.

And to make matters worse, my Google ads are conspiring to create a never-ending feedback loop of regret, luring me back in to fawn over dresses and boots I’ve already rejected, for reasons I’ve now forgotten. Like the TV character who gets halfway through a one night stand then realises she’s shagged them before, I’m doomed to keep clicking on the same satin leopard wrap dress before remembering it looks like Peter Stringfellow’s dressing gown.

When it comes to the dress, I just want something casual, throw-it-on, daywear appropriate but a little bit swishy. It needs long sleeves, preferably statement sleeves, and either a low neck but not gaping, or a high neck but without overtones of novice nun. I don’t want clingy, but not marquee-vast either. I’d like pockets, obviously, but I’m not a complete fantasist.

Meanwhile the boots just need to be ankle boots. Although ideally high ankle, not low ankle. Definitely not mid-calf – this is an important distinction. They need block heels high enough to give me a bit of authoritative stomp, but low enough to run for a bus in. And I want proper cowboy boot, not a wimpy effort… but nothing too authentic either, nothing that says, ‘my wedding photos have guns in them’. Is that so much to ask?

It’s a fine line between fussy and fanatical. Is it better to patiently wait for the perfect dress and the ultimate boots, or should I just buy the first decent ones I can find that fit, and get some wear out of them before we’re all dead? What if I compromise and buy a not-quite-right dress, then find the ultimate one two weeks later? What then? What if I buy slightly-too-high boots for slightly too much and only wear them twice? These are my worries.

Maybe you’re currently doing the same with a trench coat and a wrap skirt. Or the perfect pair of wide-leg cropped jeans and some superlative snaffle bit loafers. But then again, maybe you aren’t.

Trends, we know, move at a merciless pace and this is probably no good for anyone. We could all do with slowing down and being a little more mindful when we shop, rather than racing up the high street grabbing clothes by the armload every time the wind changes. And yet I have a feeling that obsessing over every purchase like I’m trying to crack the enigma code probably isn’t the answer either.

The solution, I think, is to ride out the new season trend obsession as though it were the flu. Lay low, wait for the fever to break, then medicate with sensible, healthy purchases like moisturiser, nail polish and new bras. Take stock of the things that are in your wardrobe (do I already have a pair of white ankle boots, and do I ever wear them? Would my leopard print coat over a floral midi achieve the same basic effect? Could a zebra scarf satisfy the craving?) and then after a week, when you’ve recovered and feeling more rational, you go to one nice department store (ONE), pick up a version from every concession, and try them on. Do it slowly. Take mirror selfies, and small sips of water. Consult a friend. Buy the one that fits the best, feels the nicest and won’t bankrupt you. Go home, and live your life.

My New Season Shopping Picks: