Got big dreams but struggle to motivate yourself? Often the only thing keeping us from ticking things off our wishlist is ourselves. Marisa Peer, the world-renowned celebrity therapist and author of four bestselling books, has helped countless people become their best selves. We caught up with her to learn how we can get out of negative mindsets and achieve our goals.
Grazia Daily: What is it that comes between us and our goals?
Marisa Peer: “Fear that it's just too difficult and that we'll never achieve it. Or the worry that the work involved in achieving our goals will be overwhelming and we can’t fit it into our already busy lives. Or the belief that our goals are a wish and thus not attainable.”
GD: How can we recognise demotivating thoughts?
MP: “Whenever we have the words "if only" or "I could do this but...it's too hard, too difficult, too time consuming, I'm scared of failing" -- these are demotivating thoughts. The most demotivating thoughts originate from a belief that what you want isn't available to you. So people who have never experienced love or success or even a great education are left believing that finding and maintaining love or success or the job of their dreams is not available to them, because it was never available to them in their past. But that's like saying an iPhone or a foreign holiday isn't available to you because it wasn't available in your past. Whatever you want can be available to you if you combine your desire with motivation, hard work, and an absolute belief that you're worthy of it. And all of these things can be learned.”
GD: What are some quick tips to get us focused when our goals seem unachievable?
MP: “Your potential expands as you move towards it. Once the mind has moved to a new dimension, it never goes back again. So even if your goal seems unachievable, just focus on one part of your goal. Maybe the studying you need to do - any goal of significance will require you to learn something new. But when you remember your brain is wired to learn lots of new things, you can do it. One of the best sentences you can ever say to yourself is: 'I have phenomenal coping skills'. Say that every day and soon you'll discover that you do indeed have phenomenal coping skills."
GD: What daily habits can we incorporate to live a more high-achieving life?
MP: “Successful people do the things they hate first. And anyone can acquire this habit. You have to do paperwork you hate, have a difficult conversation, or go to the gym - do it first. You'll feel like a winner all day because you've done the difficult thing. Successful people also delay gratification. They have dinner and watch their favourite TV show after they finish their emails - because that's their reward. But if you take the reward in advance, you lose motivation to do a great job.”
GD: How can we ensure we stick to our plans to meet our goals?
MP: “Write your goals out somewhere that you see them. But also write out what you're prepared to do to reach your goals. Tell people about your goals and tell them what you're prepared to do to reach your goals. It's very useful to keep writing your goals every day in a notebook just before you go to sleep. That way. you're wiring them into your subconscious mind. The mind does what it thinks you want it to do. And the more your mind is clear that you want this, that you're prepared to do what you need to do, and that you're worthy of it, the more your mind will work with you, giving you energy and drive.“
GD: What about when we fall off the wagon?
MP: “Success is not about never failing. It's all about how quickly you get back on track. The mark of a very successful person is that they pick themselves up and keep going. So if you fall off the wagon, don’t beat yourself up, just keep going. As Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going." Likewise, Napoleon said, "A person who never made a mistake, never made anything."
GD: Is it good to share our goals with friends and family to boost our accountability, or should we work towards things alone?
MP: “When you share your goals with other people, and commit to work on them, your likelihood of achieving them goes up by a whopping 80%. It's really good to be accountable and it's definitely worth joining what I call a "Peer Group", just to share your goals and vision. This will make you work harder with more diligence, while feeling supported and believed in.”
GD: What psychological traps do many women fall into when setting goals?
MP: “The trap is that they believe it's all hard work. I was giving a talk several years ago and my literary agent called me the night before to say that a huge publisher was coming to my talk to hear me speak with a view to giving me a book deal. I wasn't quite prepared, but instead of practicing or rehearsing, I made a mood board. I stuck on the board pictures of book signings and best-selling book lists, and I wrote messages all over it, like "I’m a best seller", "I have a great book deal" and I kept it in my mind. And everything I put on that mood board has come true because what your mind says yes to, you say yes to.”
GD: Lastly, what’s your favourite motivational quote?
MP: “My favourite quote is actually my own quote. I used to quote other people, and I was delighted when I noticed other people are now quoting me! "Belief without talent can take you further than talent without belief. And when you have both, you're unstoppable."
Marisa's book, Ultimate Confidence, is available now.