Amy Schumer has released a Public Service Annoucement to Disney Princess hopefuls across the land and let's just say it's a welcome warning.
Amy, the 'rancid peasent girl' has all her dreams come true one day when her old wizened royal attaché, Willenby, reveals that she's a princess! Life gets pretty peachy for Amy with the arrival of this news. She gets a castle with high ceilings to die for and a pretty comfy looking throne adorned with red velvet. No Iron Throne for our Amy. Rejoice! But between retaining the purity of the blood line with her first cousin and semi-regular period checks from the creepy attaché, Amy discovers being a princess IRL is actually rubbish. She's really not into her life belonging to someone else. Seems fair. With the video culminating in a tradtional Medieval be-heading – thanks to an unhappy husband with no male heir and a politically motivated people's revolt – Schumer's severed head makes it pretty clear that being a princess is not all it's cracked up to be.
'Princess Amy' calls bullshit on the many things Disney teaches us to think about society, sex and the partiarcy. We all kind of know deep down that the life of a princess would be totally restrictive and damaging to our freedoms, but somehow, this knowledge doesn't stop the 9-year-old girl inside of us thinking it* might* be kinda cool. A real life Princess Diaries. Would you rather be Belle or Jasmine? Ariel or Pocahontas? How great would it be to not have to worry about bills and have a wardrobe the size of most London apartments?
But, just, no. Who really wants the life of Kate Middleton? All that bowing and cowtowing and the smiling, God, the persistant smiling... The horror.
Disclaimer: we are not, I repeat, NOT implying that K-Mid and Wills are in any way related. We also don't think Wills is planing on beheading Kate. Although, luckily she has already birthed a boy so she's safe, regardless. Good girl.
So, I'm with Amy: Balls to the golden throne and the red velvet. I'd rather have the cake.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.