Tom Hiddleston spent the weekend with his international popstar girlfriend Taylor Swift, several of her nearest and dearest friends, and a camera crew.
Whilst playing on the beach, Tom Hiddleston wore a vest top that said 'I Heart TS'. We'd show you the pictures but they're worth more than the deposit on a small bedsit in Sittingbourne and, here at The Debrief, we'd rather do vital things like restock the stationery cupboard than spunk all our money buying pictures of famous people having a much better weekend than us.
Here's a link to them instead.
Tom Hiddleston can't really be wearing a t-shirt professing his love for Taylor Swift though can he? Isn't he like, a bit cooler than that?
What must have happened is that Tom's t-shirt actually meant something else. And we've got his sentiment all wrong. Here's a few theories that offer a more rational explanation for the t-shirt than Tom Hiddleston professing his love for international popstar Taylor Swift on a vest.
1. Tom Hiddleston really loves Magnum PI
Tom Hiddleston doesn't love Taylor Swift at all. Tom Hiddleston has fond feelings for Taylor Swift but they're the entirely appropriate kind of lukewarm feelings you get after only two weeks of dating someone. Actually what Tom Hiddleston really loves is Tom Selleck, the mustachioed actor who played Richard in *Friends *and Magnum in Hawaii-based crime drama Magnum P.I.
How superbly embarassing it was for Tom and his international popstar girlfriend Taylor Swift then when they realised Tom Hiddleston's Tom Selleck championing t-shirt had actually been misconstrued by the world's media as a declaration of love for his girlfriend of only two weeks. Cringe!
'What am I like?' giggled Tom later in the evening as he lay in Taylor's arms and the two of them watched the mean tweets roll in from around the world. Taylor rolled her eyes and turned over, secretly annoyed that it *had *been two whole weeks and Tom hadn't said 'I love you' yet.
Tom, oblivious to Taylor Swift's heartache, chuckled to himself again before looking up at his Three Men And A Baby movie poster. '**This must be what it's like to be really famous eh buddy?' he said to Tom Selleck's face as he blew him his customary goodnight kiss.
2. Tom Hiddleston was nervous to be in swimwear
Tom Hiddleston stared in the mirror at his toned torso with dismay. The confidence he'd got about his figure from his turn in the Night Manager was waning by the day. Sure people still shouted things like 'Adonis' and 'Can I grate my cheddar on your abs?' at him on a daily basis but now, here he was, due to being in swimming trunks next to actual Victoria's Secret models and Van Wilder and he was feeling nervous. His international popstar girlfriend Taylor Swift had told him he had nothing to worry about but still, Tom couldn't shake the thought 'What if they laugh at me?' from his beautiful, beautiful head. At the last minute, on the way down to the beach, Tom bottled it. 'TAYLOR' he hissed. 'I CAN'T DO IT. GET ME A T-SHIRT. I'M TOO SHY.'
Taylor, always resourceful in a crisis, got her PA to leg it back to the house and grab Tom something to wear on his top half. In her haste though, the only thing the PA could find was a box of Taylor Swift merch from several years ago. 'Fuck it,' She thought. 'This will have to do'. Tom, torn between looking like a knob for wearing an 'I Heart Taylor Swift' t-shirt and his awful insecurities, opted to cover up. He didn't have a good day, but at least no-one was laughing at his abs.
3. Tom Hiddleston is launching an ill-fated bid to be the next England manager
Euro '96 was the last time the England football team did anything remotely worth writing home about. To recap; they got to the semi-finals against Germany. The game went to penalties, Gareth Southgate missed his, lost the game and broke the hearts of a nation.
Tom Hiddleston hasn't forgotten the pain of Euro '96. But he's got a secret. Tom Hiddleston knows exactly why that team was so good. It was because of a now oft-overlooked footballer called Teddy Sheringham. Teddy, as Alan Shearer's partner up front, was the glue that held that dream team together and despite the fact that Teddy only scored one goal in Euro '96, Tom Hiddleston knows that if he can just get the now 50-year-old Teddy back on an international pitch, the England team could be great again.
How better, Tom thought, than to launch his career as Roy Hodgson's successor, than on a vest when he's stood next to his conveniently famous girlfriend, international popstar Taylor Swift. Sadly, 'Teddy Sheringham' was too many letters to fit on a shirt so Tom shortened it to 'TS'. 'People will get what I mean,' Tom said to himself.
4. Tom Hiddleston is sick of fame
Last week, all Tom wanted was to have a nice quiet holiday in Rome with his new girlfriend, international popstar Taylor Swift. But, would you believe it, the next day, there were pictures of the two of them in all the major newspapers.
Tom was sick of media attention. All he wanted was to be the next Bond and live in total obscurity. Was that too much to ask? While he was musing about Bond though, Tom hit upon a plan. Everything Bond does is hidden from the public eye because he's a spy. Maybe if Tom announced he was a spy, he too would be able to live a live free from the prying eyes of the media.
How best to do it though, Tom thought? Bond, he reasoned, gets lots of official documents marked 'Top Secret' to stop people looking at them. So why didn't Tom just stamp himself 'Top Secret'? Perhaps that was too abrupt a statement though? People might think he was being rude. How about 'I Heart Top Secret'? Yeah. That's better. 'Let's go with that', Tom thought.
'007, we win again' he thought smugly as he pulled on his new t-shirt, ready for a day free from the media's ridicule.
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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.