In the latest interview from lady of the minute and apple of our eye Taylor Swift, the popstar says she’s taking a break from dating because doesn't want to sacrifice her independence.
‘People will say, let me set you up with someone, and I’m just sitting there saying, “That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not lonely; I’m not looking.” They just don’t get it.' Which is fine, obviously. Taylor Swift is 24. The girl is going to be just fine if she doesn’t spend the rest of her twenties hunting down ‘The One’.
She then goes on to say, ‘I’ve learnt that just because someone is cute and wants to date you, that’s not a reason to sacrifice your independence.’
Hmmm. While the wise-beyond-her-years Taylor does make a very interesting point, I’m kind of loathe to put a negative spin on the whole ‘independence’ thing. As someone who’s spent the vast majority of their twenties in a relationship (verging on seven years now; snoresville, I know), I’m not sure (and here’s the sentence that's going to make *you *go 'hmmm...') that ‘sacrificing’ your independence for someone you love is that much of a big deal.
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Because like it or not (and there’s times I definitely don’t) you can’t be in a serious relationship and retain full finger-snapping, sisters are doing it for themselves style independence. It’s not an anti-feminist sentimentality, it’s more about being considerate towards the person that you’re sharing part of your life with. Whilst I still spend most nights of the week in the company of my friends, still live with my best mate and am totally focussed on my career, there are always going to be times that you can’t put yourself first. Although obviously this only works if both parties share the same attitude.
I’m in a relationship with an equally independent person so I think we’ve been lucky in how things have worked out for us; we’ve managed to find a happy medium. But obviously there are times one of us has had to give up seeing our friends to head to a birthday of someone we don’t necessarily know all that well, or give up part of our Christmas breaks to spend time with the other's family. Even the really pathetic stuff like not being able to choose your outfit for work the next day because you thought it would be a great idea to head back to his drunk at 2AM is an example of surrendering some of the independence a single girl has.
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There’s also bigger things – a while back there was talk that my boyfriend might have to move to America, which as you well know is FAR. In the end it didn’t happen but I definitely spent some time figuring out whether it was worth me attempting to accompany him out there. Obviously being a total idiot about paperwork, I never would have managed to even get past the first round of visa forms necessary but it did surprise that for someone who's spent so much time working to get to a place that I'm happy, that I’d have considered giving it all up for the person I love.
For me it’s not so much a sacrifice as something that comes part and parcel of being a part of another's lives. And while I know there’s girls who might not be as lucky as me and accidentally give up way more independence than they mean to (a difficult situation to come back from), it works for me. The things I’ve gained are totally worth it; from avoiding the twats of Tinder to having someone to make me a bacon sandwich in the morning after I’ve drunk all of the wine Wetherspoons had on offer - an action I'd totally reciprocate if the situation was reversed (maybe). So no Taylor Swift, it's not called 'sacrifice', it's called 'compromise' and it's not actually all that bad.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.