It's the most wonderful time of the year: not Christmas, fools, but Taylor Swift's annual starred-and-striped, red, white and blue Fourth of July party. The 'Taymerica' bouncy slide has been inflated (as spotted by eagle-eyed fans lurking near the singer's massive Rhode Island residence), the I Heart T.S. vests have, presumably, been despatched from Vistaprint in time for the festivities and the RSVPs will have long been received.
The singer's patriotic extravaganza of all-Americanness is typically attended by the great and the good of the celebrity world (and Ed Sheeran). Who will have made the cut for 2017? Of course, we'll have to wait for the Instagram evidence to be sure, but after forensic investigation, we've broken down Taylor's hypothetical Independence Day guest list into the inevitable 'yeses,' the 'will they, won't theys' and the 'never in a million years'...
The 'Yeses'
The Victoria's Secret gang
A Taylor Swift gathering wouldn't be a Taylor Swift gathering without at least half of the current Victoria's Secret cohort. We're counting on Martha Hunt and Lily Donaldson.
Gigi Hadid
While also being a Victoria's Secret model, Gigi deserves her own entry as she's become such a Fourth of July mainstay. Expect her to be among the first to Instagram from the event...
The Haim sisters
What better way to prepare for the stress of an impending album release than with a quick trip to Rhode Island? Before Something To Tell You drops later this week, expect to see all three Haims celebrating Independence Day, Taylor Swift style.
Austin Swift
Squad members come and go (remember when Vanessa from Gossip Girl made the cut?) but family is forever, which is why Taylor's younger brother Austin is always on the guest list.
High school pals
Like Austin, Taylor's old friends Brittany Maack and Abigail Anderson are fixtures on the singer's Fourth of July list.
Ed Sheeran
He's always there, Ed Sheeran. Always there.
The 'Maybes'
Selena Gomez
Selena has been a no-show at Taylor's July Fourth get-togethers for a while, but we'd really like to see The Weeknd play some sort of Hiddleston-esque role in the inevitable Instagram posts. There is, of course, the danger of potential drama with Gigi Hadid, sister of Bella...
Lorde
The singer has just likened hanging out with Taylor to knowing someone with 'an autoimmune disease', but we're sure that hasn't taken the shine off their friendship...
Various members of the Orange Is The New Black cast
Last year saw Ruby Rose and Uzo Aduba (aka 'Crazy Eyes') make their Taymerica debut. Bet on a handful of Litchfield inhabitants joining them this time around...
Zayn
Ok, this one is very much wishful thinking on our part. But as a member of Taylor's inner circle, surely Gigi Hadid gets a plus one - and after their Fifty Shades duet, we're hoping that Zayn will grace the event with his presence. Who knows, he could even be the Ryan Reynolds of 2017...
The 'Banned' List
Tom Hiddleston
We can safely say that the 'I Heart T.S.' tank top will not be getting another airing this week. 'It was a joke!' Tom exclaimed in a recent GQ profile (and presumably will continue to do so whenever asked about said tank top until the end of time).
Ryan Reynolds
Blame bitchy resting face all you want, Ryan, but thou shalt not look deathly miserable at Taylor's Fourth of July festivities without suffering the consequences.
The Kardashian Wests
She's said it before and she'll say it again: Taylor would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that she has never asked to be a part of, since 2009. So leave it, please?
Kendall Jenner
Model squad 101: while it's well-documented that Kendall is close friends with Taylor associates Gigi Hadid and Cara Delevingne, she is not friends with the singer herself, according to older sister Kim Kardashian. This is despite having appeared on stage with Taylor for the London leg of her 1989 world tour. Do keep up.
Joe Alywn
In this case, we mean 'banned' in the nicest possible way. Tom Hiddleston's much-documented, much-discussed appearance at last year's Fourth of July shindig was - to be brutally honest - so badly received that it's unlikely she'll expose her new 'boyfriend,' British actor Joe Alwyn, to the same fate. Probably for the best, really.
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