Eastenders actor Tamzin Outhwaite has marked a decade since her ex-husband Tom Ellis left after cheating on her, perfectly summing up the long-term pain attached to infidelity.
The couple were married for nine years and had two children together, but split in 2013 after Tom admitted to having an affair with his Once Upon A Time co-star Emilie de Ravin. But Tamzin has made it clear that she continues to discover other details and examples of Tom’s betrayals during their marriage, bringing home to all of us the pain of when a partner cheats.
Her now-deleted tweet read: 'Ten years since the father of my kids walked out on us for the final time. I still meet new people on jobs who reveal more infidelities and lies that he committed.
'But thankfully my heart and soul are clear and clean and I could not be happier right now.'
Before the tweet was deleted, Tamzin received support from fans and famous people alike, including Denise Van Outen who sent her love in the comments. Others, however, were reportedly ‘triggered’ by her description of her experiences. Tamzin addressed this in her most recent post, explaining her rationale behind discussing her husband’s infidelity.
'Thank you all for your messages re my now deleted tweet,’ she wrote. ‘I was marking the 10 year anniversary with pride, a feeling of triumph & genuine gratitude.
'I understand it has triggered some people. For anyone struggling, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.'
This isn’t the first time Tamzin has spoken out about the pain of being cheated on. In September 2022, she tweeted in reaction to a now-deleted post: ‘I personally think cheating while married IS wrong. Maybe don’t get married?’.
Her repeated impulse to speak out about the impact of infidelity is heartbreaking, but also refreshing and completely relatable. The secrets attached to cheating mean that fresh, painful information can be discovered over and over, meaning that it can feel like the trauma of your partner’s betrayal will never end. Also, like with many types of emotional pain, recovery isn’t linear. There’s no way of knowing when a situation, a book, a conversation will bring back all those painful memories.
That said, there’s something comforting and empowering in the way that Tamzin Outhwaite has chosen to prioritise herself in reaction to what she went through. Her decision to mark a decade since her husband’s infidelity with ‘gratitude’ and ‘triumph’ is one that we can all take inspiration from.
We can’t change what has happened to us – or who has cheated on us – but we can fight for a positive perspective as we move on from it.