I have a theory that most of us secretly love a problem. When things are too easy, we get restless and we start mustering up a plan that can only end in doing shots of the Jaeger variety off our ex boyfriends' brothers' belly button. Hands up if you’ve ever created an argument with a boyfriend who was so effin' perfect he made everything feel as monotonous as the Jubilee line on a Tuesday morning? Don’t lie. This is a judgement free zone.
HOWEVER, sometimes we get too many of the bloody things and have to outsource some expert help. Enter: the stage Stephanie Pratt who has been on every reality TV show (see: Made In Chelsea, Celebs Go Dating, The Hills and Celebrity Big Brother) and made the entire nation wonder how her skin is so dewy. Side ramble: I am going to bet my last pound coin that Steph will be on I'm a Celebrity Get Me... Out Of Here, before the year is up.
Steph has seduced 23 year olds with a plate of oysters, giving zero fucks in the process. She's had a camera watch her every move 24 hours a day and was best friends with Lauren Conrad. Oh and she's just launched a fashion line with Goddiva.co.uk. No biggie. She has done everything and we need her no-nonsense, go-getting, life-smashing attitude to help with some dilemmas please.
NOTE: These problems aren't mine right now, but they almost certainly have been at some point in the past couple of years. Remember, judgement-free zone!
Hi Steph! So, I’ve being seeing a guy and have been going on a few dates, so far so good! But now he’s stopped replying to my texts... what should I do? Should I text again?
Er don’t ever text him again! He’s probably seeing someone else. He was seeing you and someone else at the same time and he chose the other girl. I mean, it depends if you’ve slept with him, if you’ve slept with him definitely don’t text him back because he’s a dick. My thing is, I never text first but I never play games. When I get a text I reply instantly because everyone is glued to their phone, right?
Stellar advice, I will 100% put him in the bin. Okay, so I have a presentation to give at work in front of really senior people…. I'm so nervous I'm worried I will throw up on my CEO's very shiny shoes. How do I feel more confident?
Get a prompter and read the lines! I don’t really get nervous but if I did I would be like, ‘God, please help me calm down and give me the strength to get through this’. It’s cheesy but…
Hey, cheesy is good! Cool, so my housemate keeps leaving out her unwashed plates and I keep mentioning it, but she still won’t listen. What do I do? Do I be that passive-agressive note leaver?
Give her a notice of 30 days to move out! Honestly! I’m a germaphobe. 30 days? Actually I meant three!
[Scribbles down 'three days' in notepad]. Finally, my friend keeps getting back with her shitty ex-boyfriend, even though I've told her he's a massive dickhead. How do I get her to break up with him for good?
You can’t. The heart wants what it wants and she’s going to have to learn her lesson, you just gotta support her. It’s hard because she will stop talking to you if she knows you disapprove of him. You might just need to take that break, but just always be like ‘I’m here for you.’ Let her distance herself, tell her you want her to be happy and if he makes her happy. You can’t change anyone’s mind. I didn’t talk to a best friend for a year because the guy was like that and then he got his act together and it’s fine. Sometimes, you can’t watch your friends go through something so destructive so you have to leave it.
Thanks Steph, I feel so much better!
Stephanie's fashion line will be available online at www.goddiva.co.uk from 1st March 2017.
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MIC’s Steph, Proudlock And Francis On Pret Orders, Regrets And Whether They Watch Themselves On TV
Follow Aimee on Instagram: @a1meejakes
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.