A Few Signs That We Might Be Drifting Apart From Beyonce

Something tells us she *might* not be joining us for a pint at the local Wetherspoons later

getty.beyonce's room

by Jess Commons |
Published on

Calling all Beyonce fans! Today sees the release/leak of the first snippet of the first of Beyonce’s new songs off her album that she’s already released but is now re-releasing with a few extra songs and the word ‘more’ added to it. If that made no sense to you then don’t even worry about it, we're just as lost as you.

A couple of years ago when Beyonce was all 'you turned out to be the best thing I never had' we felt pretty certain we could have invited her down to the local Wetherspoons, ordered a bottle of their finest chardonnay (for just under a tenner) and put the world to rights. Lately though, Beyonce seems like she's kind of reached next level, like she's still the most amazing person in the world (obviously) but that she's less fun lady friend and more fun lady deity.

All of this probably stems from being one half of the most famous couple in the world ever (I mean OBVIOUSLY *one *day we'll be able to directly relate to this) but now she's definitely not a 'come on over and we'll split a pack of chips from Fishy Business type', you'd probably have to get out the fancy china. Which you absolutely don't have, because you're not like 40 years old.

If you think about it though, the signs that Beyonce is moving on without us have been there for a while; let's have a look.

READ MORE: Beyonce Behaves A Bit Weirdly. The Internet Gets Weirder

When we found out she has a temperature controlled archive of every picture of her ever taken

Back in 2013 Beyonce did an interview with GQ magazine – you remember the one, it was just before the Superbowl and she had all those freaking AH-MAZING pictures of her wearing a cropped football jersey? In the interview, the writer Amy Wallace revealed that Beyonce has ‘a temperature-controlled digital-storage facility that contains virtually every existing photograph of her’. Which sounds erm, mental. Amy went on to say that, ‘Beyoncé's inner sanctum also contains thousands of hours of private footage, compiled by a 'visual director' Beyoncé employs who has shot practically her every waking moment, up to sixteen hours a day, since 2005.’ Now we're not saying that if we were Beyonce we wouldn't do exactly the same thing but ATM we couldn't really afford it thanks to our measly normal person wage. As it is, we're busy searching Jobsite.co.uk using the keywords ‘beyonce’ ‘visual’ ‘director’.

When they made people take down the Superbowl ‘ugly’ face pictures

You know what’s more awesome that normal Beyonce? Beyonce really going for it onstage. If we're perfectly honest with ourselves, we always kind of knew Beyonce could never be the kind of pal we'd take to clubs with us thanks to the massive disparity in dancing ability between us. It was kind of weird then when someone from the Beyonce camp asked Buzzfeed to take down the pictures of her going HAM at the Superbowl. If we were capable of doing even half that much exercise and looking as awesome as that, we'd put those pictures on Facebook ASAP and tag everyone we'd ever known.

When she released a secret album she'd kept secret for OVER A YEAR

The morning of December 13th 2013 was perhaps one of the best days ever for people all over the world. ‘A WHOLE Beyonce album complete with videos that we had no idea about? It's like Christmas!' They said. The only slight downer was the knowledge that we can't even pass Dr. Christian Jessen in the street without telling everyone on our Twitter feed about it, and while we didn't expect Beyonce to give a call to discuss the tracklist with us, knowing that she was just as shit at keeping secrets as us would have been fantastic. Especially since we accidentally just told everyone we've ever known that our best friend slept with the man who works at the kebab shop. Oops, there we go again.

READ MORE: Beyoncé's Fans Are Conservative And Sam Smith's Love Carbs

When everyone started speculating that she photoshopped her pictures

It’s a contentious issue since it’s all totally speculation that she even did it but if Beyonce is photoshopping her Instagram pictures then it seems a bit silly. The woman is, quite literally, the most beautiful person in the world – if she has taken a few centimetres off her already diddy waist then it’s gotta be something to do with the pressures of fame right? Which sadly, until Simon Cowell calls with his long-overdue record contact, is something we’re never going to understand. PS Simon, my phone is on and working, I do have a meeting later today but I can absolutely step out so feel free to call anytime.

But don’t worry though

Because deep down Beyonce is still Beyonce. Whenever you feel like she’s all the way up in the stratosphere and a million miles away you and your mess of a self, just remember this video from the other week where she’s being all weird at the basketball, which is exactly how we look after drinking all of the wine and finding ourselves inappropriately drunk in a public place. Long live this Bey.

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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