We Read Joan Rivers’ Book So You Don’t Have To

Pharrell, Kanye West, Paris Hilton and Kristen Stewart all feel the full force of the comedy veteran's wit...

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by Sophie Wilkinson |
Published on

Joan Rivers is awful. Totally awful and really mean in her hating on the rich and famous. But she gets a free pass from us for some reason – maybe it's because it's better to be dissed than ignored. Or, as she once said of her dear friend: ‘Cher got upset when I took her out of the act!’ To be included in Joan Rivers' book is to basically be relevant to pop culture. (Plus: Joan's also incredibly smart and has been in the comedy game for 55 years, which is double many people's time on this earth!)

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Ok, so we admit we haven’t actually read her new book, Diary Of A Mad Diva, but we’ve seen some sneak peeks of it, and it's got enough cutting remarks that we thought it was worthy of all our attention.

She sort of dedicates the book to Kanye West

She quotes the rapper on the first page of the book, ‘Sometimes people write novels and they just be so self-absorbed … I am a proud non-reader of books.' On the next page, she writes: ‘This book be dedicated to Kanye West, because he’ll never f—in’ read it.’

Kristen Stewart's dalliance with Rupert Sanders is still on her mind, two years down the line

‘Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle directors’ balls.’

Pharrell's Vivienne Westwood hat does nothing for her

‘No one is allowed to dress up anymore during Award Season… The networks have new decency guidelines, which insist that no more breasts, buttocks or genitalia show. Luckily, because of celebrities like Pharrell and his stupid hat, we’ll still be able to see *ssholes.’

She's worried about the safety of Paris Hilton's vagina

‘It’s all over the news that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy to prevent getting cancer. I think Paris Hilton should… step up to the plate and try to prevent STDs. It would be so easy for her. All she would have to do is have her knees fused together.’

OUCH! All of them are as mean and funny as Joan's infamous slur against Victoria Beckham, which involves her doing an impression of the fashion designer, yelling: ‘Does this tampon make me look fat?’

Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson

Picture: Getty

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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