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I Can't Stop Staring At These Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Dolls

© Getty

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding is a mere four months away, so how do you, the humble subject, gear up for the occasion? By re-visiting 2014’s ethically dubious reality show, I Wanna Marry Harry, in which 12 American women were duped into believing that they were participating in a Bachelor-style dating show with the Prince? By re-watching Suits in its entirety? Or, maybe, by casting your eyes over this pair of commemorative Harry and Meghan dolls, fashioned by Etsy seller HistoryWearz to mark the auspicious occasion?

Described by the seller as ‘a fun way to celebrate the upcoming wedding of the year,’ the 28-inch dolls are dressed for St George’s Chapel, Harry in gold military regalia that’s straight out of Disney’s Cinderella and Meghan in traditional bridal wear. For just £131.43 plus £41.35 shipping charges, these definitely not at all creepy effigies of the bride and groom-to-be could be the perfect addition to the royal wedding party that you’re definitely going to throw. And should you take offence to the colour of Harry’s outfit (rather than, say, his impressively Gallagher-esque bowl cut), you can upgrade his cream ensemble to one in a tasteful powder blue. Who needs a commemorative plate when you have... these?

© Etsy; HistoryWearz

I’ve tried looking away from the hypnotic gaze of Doll Harry and Doll Meghan, but the gravitational pull of those preternaturally huge (or, in Harry’s case, unfeasibly almond-shaped) eyes just keeps dragging me back in. Even when I close my own (comparatively tiny, non-almond) eyes, all I can see is their vacant stare, their perfectly arched brows, Harry’s luxuriant crop that recalls Shrek’s Lord Farquaad (though in Grazia social media editor Phoebe Parke’s particular view, the hair bears a striking resemblance to Harry Styles). I’m not sure I’ll ever sleep soundly again. Cheers to the bride and groom!

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