There’ll be a list of who won what at the BAFTAs 2014 somewhere or other but, let’s face it, most of you were too drunk on sun/booze to really give a crap about what happened when it happened last night. So we watched it for you, to bring you the main talking points from the BAFTAs 2014. Here’s your need to know:
1. Olivia Colman is just great
Accepting the award for best leading actress for her role in Broadchurch (nominated so many times, we must have seen the entire show through the little clips that accompany the nominations), she had to choke back tears (‘I’m sorry…not cool!’) as she accepted the award. She’s basically the most unstarry star in the world, even though this is her third BAFTA in two years.
** 2. The American who turned up out of the blue got an award**
Aaron Paul and his beard were at the BAFTAs, and not only did he present an award, but – gasp – Breaking Bad won an award for Best International Series, despite everyone we know banging on about House of Cards being the best thing since opposable thumbs.
3. Nico Mirallegro missed out but looked so beautifully gracious doing so
Two of the shows he and his pretty face have appeared in,* The Village* and* My Mad Fat Diary* were nominated, and he himself was nominated for best male supporting role in The Village. However, each time he lost out, the camera cut to him and he still smiled and looked very gracious. The same goes for Dominic West, actually, who missed out on the best leading actor award, which went to Sean Harris for Southcliffe.
4. Gogglebox showed us how much we do care about TV
Though many of the producers in the audience live under a slight worry that the internet is killing TV, there was absolute proof that sitting around the TV as a communal act will always triumph over solo hunching over a laptop to stream something illegal, because Gogglebox won. The show where we get to watch people watching TV, proving how much we must love TV, got its rightful recognition.
5. Cilla Black is more Mariah than Mariah
As she won her lifetime achievement award and we were shown montages of terrible haircuts on great shows like Blind Date, Twitter went into a frenzy and basically it was uncovered that Cilla Black is the biggest diva in the world. So much so that – allegedly – she’s been banned from BA flights because she is so difficult, demanding that flight attendants and stewardesses don’t talk to her unless to pour her Champagne. Seriously, there’s a whole entry about her on a website where flight attendants slag off celebrities they’ve worked for. (And where we’ll be spending our lunchbreak).
**6. Ross Kemp is actually really posh **
Hearing ex-EastEnders ’ardman Ross speak with a posh accent is a bit like – if we’re to re-use a joke we made on Twitter 11 hours ago – a fish doing motocross.
7. Everything should end in a shot of Naomi Campbell’s response
Whether she’s far too engrossed in talking to her mates or earnestly pretending to care, having her at the awards but not filming her more was a giant, missed opportunity for the BAFTA production team. Luckily, we did get that moment where she approached the podium, but, barely audible over the audience’s whoops and cheers, dead-eyed them and scolded them for being so loud.
If you want a list of proper BAFTA winners, they’re over here.
Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson
Pictures: Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.