ALRIGHT. HERE WE GO AGAIN.
Recently, I've paid more attention to Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston's relationship than my own. I can't even remember what my boyfriend looks like. If I try and conjure up an image of him in my mind, all I can recall is Taylor Swift in the Blank Space video wileding a poker like a lunatic. It's distressing. And not healthy for my mental wellbeing.
There is just one more thing that needs to be noted about this the biggest and most bizarre relationship that's happened in recent memory though and that is that there's a very real possibility that TS and TH are Joaquin Phoenix-ing us all and the end result of Hiddleswift or Tiddleswaylor or whatever is going to be a piece of 'art' that no-one really gets but that makes everyone go 'hmmm'.
See Holly Passaquala (great name) who works for E Online in the US has come up with a stunning case against the couple. Holly reckons that Taylor might be filming a 'music video or visual release to accompany her new album, à la Beyoncé's multimedia extravaganza Lemonade'.
Holly's case is watertight. It's Alicia Florrick good. She notes that Taylor releases a new album every two years. 1989 came out in late October, 2014 (really, we've been talking about it for THAT LONG). The first single then would need to drop in August or September (Shake It Off dropped August 18 2014). Which would mean she'd need to be preparing for it now.
Instead, she's off galivanting around Europe and beach parties with Tom Hiddleston. And yet, the only pictures we've seen have come from one press agency (that's a bonkers amount of exclusivity to get) and there have been basically no fan pics despite plenty of 'tourists' being in the background of said pictures. Are these 'tourists' just schills*, planted by Team Swift to make her sightseeing, country walks and snogging on the beach look legit?
*You know you've gone to the bad place when you start using words like 'schills'. Catch me next on my Geocitites blog where I talk about chemtrails being real and 9/11 being an inside job.
And then there's Tom's vest from the weekend. If he's wearing that for a funny joke in a music video then everything is OK again. If not, what the bloody hell is going on.
So, I'm standing with Holly. Taylor Swift is doing a Joaquin; method acting in a carefully controlled public environment to gather press for an upcoming release (with Joaquin you'll remember he grew a beard, acted really weird, and then some film came out called I'm Still Here which no-one watched). Although Taylor would probably prefer that I refer to it as 'doing a Beyonce', with reference to Beyonce's wildly successful, game changing 2013 visual album Beyonce.
Guess we'll have to see what the outcome is and judge it for ourselves.
And now, I'm taking this opportunity to resign from Hiddleswift. Like Nigel Farage but hopefully less of a cockwomble, I want my life back.
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
**4 Rational Explanations For Tom Hiddleston's Taylor Swift Vest
5 Reasons The Internet Thinks Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Are Staged
Slut-Shaming Taylor Swift Just Undoes All Our Hard Work For Sexual Equality**
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.