Here’s our run down of the awards they should have given out last night…
Angelina Jolie wore a suit on the red carpet. Gravity and 12 Years A Slave won basically every award going. But what about the awards they missed? Here’s The Debrief on the prizes they forgot to give out…
Best Loser Face For Someone Who Totally Shouldn’t Have Lost – Lupita Nyong’o
Despite her performance in American Hustle as an irrational 1970s New Jersey housewife being very entertaining – and our all round love for Jennifer Lawrence – we never thought she was going to win a BAFTA. Not when her competition for Best Supporting Actress included Lupita, whose performance in 12 Years A Slave as Patsy, a slave whose morale is so diminished that she longs to die, brought audiences to tears. However, something really odd happened last night, and, despite not turning up, Jennifer Lawrence got the award. Lupita clapped along gracefully and did a loser selfie – bless! – but she only cracked a smile again when 12 Years A Slave won Best Film.
Best In Show – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Wearing his-'n’-hers matching YSL tuxedos, the couple attended because Brad was executive producer of 12 Years A Slave (that might explain why he plays pretty much the only half-decent white person in the film). Brad went up on stage to help director Steve McQueen et al accept the Best Film award, but didn't say anything. But then again, when you're that pretty, you needn't say a word.
Kookiest Kookster – Emma Thompson
Fast becoming the Cara Delevingne of the acting world, Emma Thompson flicked the V-fingers at cameras mere minutes into the ceremony.
Person Who Most Looks Like Marion Cotillard – Lily Allen
She looked so much like Marion Cotillard in a clashing dress that we thought she actually was her. Our bad.
** Best Eyebrows** – Will Poulter
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As well as accepting his EE Rising Star award very humbly, the visibly nervous newcomer said he was honoured to even be considered on the list and his high-arched, deftly-defined eyebrows made us momentarily forget that he'd just won over Lupita (yes, we will continue to go on about this). Is Tweezerman to thank for the most perfect arches we've beheld since the McDonald's logo on a hungover Sunday? We need to know!
Best Chance Meeting - Tinie Tempah and Prince William
They did a high-five. A rapper and a prince! Well, not so much a high-five as a high-five-hand-shake.
** The Graceful Loser Award** – Amy Adams
Despite Jennifer Lawrence being unable to turn up, she still won an award. Pity, then, Amy Adams, her American Hustle co-star who bothered to turn up, looked incredible, presented an award…then never got one herself.
The WTF Are You Doing Here? Award – Oprah
OK, OK, Oprah was nominated for a BAFTA, but did we ever believe she'd turn up? Nope. We wanted to see her reaction shot so badly after Lupita missed out on the BAFTA (sorry, we will be banging on about this for a bit), but instead we got Emma Thompson's daughter. Who was quite livid, actually.
The Most Diplomatic Winner Award – Cate Blanchett
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Cate accepted her award for Best Actress very gracefully, and dodged any mention of Woody Allen, who didn't only direct her in Blue Jasmine, but has been all over the news recently regarding alleged abuse of his daughter, Dylan Farrow. Instead, Cate dedicated her award to the late Philip Seymour Hoffman, who died two weeks ago. 'Phil, buddy, you bastard, this is for you, I hope you're proud.'
Award For Winning All Of The Awards – *Gravity *
The response to Gravity's multiple wins was quite resigned - after all, it's the BAFTAs, and this is a British film. Or is it? The well-run argument is that the director, Alfonso Cuaron, is Mexican, the funding came from America, the two leads, Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, are American. Trounce any opponents in a tiresome tête-à-tête about the provenance of this film with a simple 'I could have sworn it was set in space.'
Award For Making James Corden Feel Less Apprehensive About Presenting The Brits Later This Week – Stephen Fry
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Stephen Fry was genuinely setting the bar low for James Corden, maybe he was just a bit tired having spent the day dressed as Pandemonium at #LFW (seriously, have you seen the two in the same room) flitting about from event to event. Or perhaps he genuinely thought that correcting someone's grammar was a half-decent joke to make on national TV. Regardless, including one quip about casting off restraints and shackles, which wasn't so much offensive* as downright weird, it's testament to the soothing quality of Stephen Fry's voice that we didn't actually mind that his script was bound together by duds.
Best Beard – everyone.
Really. So many of the blokes brought a beard with them. Chiwetel Ejifor's was almost as majestic and noble as his acceptance speech. And his co-star Michael Fassbender was proudly ginger with his facial topiary, surely grateful that it served as a decoy when the camera panned to him after he missed out on Best Supporting Actor to Captain Phillip's Barkhad Abdi. Other beards included the one from David Heyman, the producer of Gravity (he is so handsome we almost didn't mind him going up on stage to collect some of the film's six - count 'em - awards). And, of course, Tom Hardy, who presented an award for something or other, but tbh, we can barely remember, we were distracted by multiple incoming texts along the lines of 'TOM HARDY CAN DO ME IN EVERY POSITION EVER!'
Most Jubilant Loser Award – Tom Hanks
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Whistling for Chiwetel Ejiofor. Chiwetel's performance as a kidnapped freeman forced into slavery won over not only the BAFTA committee, but the hearts of the men he went up against for Best Actor. Leonardo DiCaprio stood up to cheer him, Tom Hanks whistled (using his fingers, too – that's a very loud whistle) and Christian Bale gave him a big clap and a massive grin from under his little beard.
Helen Mirren Award For Being Really Cool – Helen Mirren
Taking the stage to present Helen Mirren with a lifetime achievement award Jeremy Irons explained her career by padding out repetitions of the word 'sexy' with other words. Helen rolled her eyes at him and then took to the stage and started reciting lines from The Tempest. Rumblings are that as much as she larked about with Prince William, smiling at his joke that 'I should probably call her "granny"', that's where her appreciation for the establishment stops. Her speech, calling for creativity to remain at the core of teaching, is said to be a thinly veiled dig at education secretary Michael Gove, who has recently made some controversial changes to school curriculums.
*One of the main contenders in the awards ceremony, 12 Years A Slave, is all about, um, slavery.
Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson
Pictures: Getty, Rex
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.