If you were listening to Spotify’s New Music Friday playlist this morning, then it’s likely you were very rudely awakened. No, I’m not talking about Major Lazer’s new single with Bob Marley’s grandson Skip,Madonna’s new track with Swae Lee or even the posthumous collab from the late Avicii. Because unfortunately, it was another meeting of minds which forced me go back to sleep and want to hide under the covers forever. Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran,I’m looking at you.
After days of social media hints and teasing, the pair’s latest collaboration I Don’t Care has been unleashed upon the world. And I would like to say that I, too, also don’t care. But the truth is, I do care. I absolutely, resolutely care about how incredibly awful this single is - because it is fucking terrible. As one listener said, succinctly on Twitter: ‘The lyrics are cringe, the melody is so irritating, the vocals aren't anything special and Justin Bieber is literally not distinguishable from Ed. Garbage. Ed's worst single yet.’ I agree, and believe me, I thought I See Fire (that song he did for The Hobbit) is one of the worst tracks in the world.
I Don’t Care is an ode to feeling awkward at parties, that will ironically be played on repeat at these said parties. (That doesn’t mean it’s any good.) Probably the best thing about it is Ed’s little ‘ooh ooh oohs’, and even they are incredibly annoying. The lyrics have about as much depth. Take the intro, for example: ‘I'm at a party I don't wanna be at and I don't ever wear a suit and tie’ (sure). Admittedly, Justin does openly sing about his anxieties, which is commendable as he continues to be transparent about his mental health struggles.
I'm so annoyed because I Don’t Care had the potential to be really very good. Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are, undeniably, two of the biggest names in music. The last time the duo worked together they created Love Yourself, a pop song so brilliant it helped to resurrect Biebz’s career from Troubled Child Star to Popstar Of Merit. The single is also Ed’s first new music in two years - since, you know, every song from Divide reached the top 20, and then The Official Charts actually had to change their rules.
Produced by Max Martin and Shellback - Martin being such a big deal that a whole musical dedicated to his tracks is opening in the West End later this year - I Don’t Care could have been as big a smash as their previous works like Pink’s So What, Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off or, erm, Maroon 5’s Moves Like Jagger. Instead we’ve been left with dancefloor filler, which is unlikely to fill up the dancefloor.