Another day, another story designed to make Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex, look out of touch or precious. This one is about their son, Archie, and a title that he was allegedly offered at birth. There are reports that his parents declined the opportunity for their son to be given the title of the Earl of Dumbarton. Why? Because, the claim states, the location contained the word 'Dumb', and their son could be bullied as a result.
Harry and Meghan have not commented on the claims but let's assume, for now, that there is an element of truth in them and that they turned the title down for this specific reason. Some find this apparent rejection to be indicative of sensitivity on the part of Harry and Meghan, as if they had delusions of grandeur about what they and their son deserved. But really - and I truly believe that I'm putting my pro Harry and Meghan feelings aside here - I completely understand where the couple were coming from.
Most parents I know will agonise over the name of their children. There is an episode of The Simpsons which flashes back to Homer and Marge as a two person household, awaiting the arrival of their son. They go through a list of names, with Homer offering potential cruel - and increasingly spurious - nicknames to go with Marge's suggestions. They settle on Bart, the joke being that Homer does not think of the natural, obvious rhyming couplet. It's a hyperbolic representation of something that expectant parents really do go through, and while some decide that a name is nice enough to make up for potential taunts, a hypothetical bully from the future is enough to put others off. Believe me, I know. My name is Guy. In the Nineties, I was an effeminate little boy running around the playground. I was four the first time one of my peers realised that you only had to replace one vowel with another in order to homophobically slur me. It followed me through school. But I got over it. I love my name now. But if I had children I'd be tempted to give them the blandest, safest name possible and save them a potential hassle down the line. If these reports are true, then Harry and Meghan's concerns were perfectly reasonable: you cannot be too careful when it comes to pondering the welfare of a young child.
Dumbarton locals are naturally a little put out. The Daily Express has said that they're 'dumbfounded', unable to ignore the chance to make a pun even when they criticise Harry and Meghan for being silly. The inhabitants feel affronted, apparently. But Harry and Meghan did not mean it as a slight: they were looking at the word, devoid of its meaning or status as a proper noun. And, aside from everything else, it does feel like whoever suggested 'the Earl of Dumbarton' was going out of their way to offer something obscure as a slight to the couple who, we now know, had annoyed The Firm throughout Meghan's pregnancy by daring to request mental health support or may their own rules when it came to royal childbirth protocols. One gets the feeling that other options considered internally were the Marquess of Mold or Prince of Pyle.
Who knows what really happened. We may get clarity in the coming days, weeks and months. But I don't judge the Duke and Duchess for being picky when it came to how their son could be described as he grew up. He was born into great privilege, and he will have a happier and richer life than most children of his age. But, as Harry and Meghan learned the hard way, bullies lurk in palaces and playgrounds alike. I see no shame in removing one potential stone from their sling.
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