All The Most Outlandish Moments From Gwyneth Paltrow’s NYT Interview

Settle down with a cup of pea milk coffee and enjoy

gwyneth paltrow

by Katie Rosseinsky |

Stop what you're doing and read the New York Times's profile of Gwyneth Paltrow. The extensive feature, written by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, covers everything from the jade vagina egg crisis of 2016 to charges of Goop’s ‘elitism’ to, inevitably, the day-to-day reality of conscious uncoupling, with guest appearances from all kinds of bizarre health foods (‘Real Water’ with ‘valuable electrons?’ Check!) And while it's fascinating to learn more about Goop's business model (Gwyneth is frank about being able to monetize the 'internet firestorms' she can spark with even the most generic day-in-the-life feature), what we're really here for is the unabashed strangeness of it all. Locate your nearest supplier of pea milk and settle down with these gems..

The house manager

When the Times' Taffy Brodesser-Akner visits Gwyneth at home and enters her 'devastating' kitchen, she soon becomes aware of the constant presence of a man 'in a shawl collar sweater' named Jeffrey. Once he's out of earshot, she (quite understandably) questions Gwyneth as to his identity: is he her butler? 'No, he's a house manager,' she explains, adding: 'He's the best. He's from Chicago. He's so incredible. He helps me with everything.' May we all aspire to a future in which we can employ a house manager to pour our drinks.

Music lessons with Chris Martin

What could be a better illustration of the Goop brand in action than Chris Martin’s presence at Gwyneth’s home at the time of the interview, ready to help the now-teenage Moses and Apple with their music practice. Conscious uncoupling: it’s a lifestyle. When Brodesser-Akner hears the opening notes of The Beatles' Blackbird, she looks up to see where it's coming from. Of course, it's Apple, strumming a guitar.

The Brad Falchuk cameo

Exit Chris Martin, enter Brad Falchuk. Shortly after Chris has gone off to impart his musical knowledge to his offspring, Gwyneth's fiancé arrives. We know from Gwyneth's Instagram posts that there's no weirdness, no weirdness at all between the three (it was even rumoured at one point that Chris might walk Gwyneth down the aisle when she marries Falchuk, taking conscious uncoupling to its logical conclusion) - call me traditional, though, but doesn't this feel a little too cosy?

The fact checker

Many of Goop’s grandiose claims about the health benefits of various alternative therapies and ingredients have been disputed by medical professionals (remember all the to-do about putting a jade egg up your vagina?) From September, the piece reveals, Goop will be hiring a full time fact checker. Gwyneth sees it as a ‘necessary growing pain’ for the company.

The Time Gwyneth yodeled 'VAGINA' at some students

The Times piece details a lecture which Gwyneth gave to students at Harvard a few years back. When discussing how her company transmutes internet outrage into profit, she drops the phrase ‘It’s a cultural firestorm when it’s about a woman’s vagina’ (referring to said jade eggs). When her audience stay silent, Gwyneth decides to amp up any incipient awkwardness. ‘She then cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA!” as if she were yodeling,’ the author writes.

The conscious uncoupling backlash

Gwyneth was surprised by the vitriol that those two words unleashed. ‘I was really saying we’re in a lot of pain, we failed at this; we’re going to try and do it in a different way. But I was so raw that I didn’t anticipate,’ she tells the Times. ‘I think that was an instance where it really hit me that an insouciance with language from me is different than from somebody else.’ We're sorry, Gwyneth.

Pea milk

Pea milk exists, and it is served in coffee at Goop's 'In Goop Health' summit.

Look back at Gwyneth Paltrow's style evolution in the gallery below...

Gallery

Gwyneth Paltrow Look Book

Gwyneth Paltrow, 1995
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Gwyneth Paltrow, 1996
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Gwyneth Paltrow, 1999
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Gwyneth Paltrow, 1999
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Cannes Film Festival, May 2008
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Gwyneth Paltrow in New York, 2008
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the Iron Man premiere, April 2008
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the Iron Man premiere after party, April 2008
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the DVF dinner at Claridges, June 2010
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the Louis Vuitton Maison opening, May 2010
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Ralph Lauren's Wimbledon party, June 2010
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Prada, February 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the Bottega Veneta launch party, March 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow at a Coach dinner, September 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Lanvin at the Coach bag launch party, September 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein at the 2011 Oscars, 27 February 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Elie Saab at The Bambi Awards, November 2011
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford at The Academy Awards, February 2012
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford at President Obama's victory dinner, September 2012
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Michael Kors, October 2012
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Gwyneth Paltrow out and about, New York, October 2012
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Gwyneth Paltrow at her 'It's All Good' book signing, Los Angeles, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the Opening of the Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio, Los Angeles, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at 'It's All Good' book signing, New York, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at 'Good Morning America' TV show, New York, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at 'Good Morning America' TV show, New York, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at 'Iron Man 3' film photocall, Munich, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Erdem at 'Iron Man 3' film premiere, Paris, April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Ralph Lauren and Tiffany & Co. jewels, 19 April 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Valentino at Met Gala, 6 May 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Private Dinner Celebrating 9th Annual Authors Night, 10 August 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Prada launching the Printemps Christmas Decorations Inauguration at Printemps Haussmann, Paris , 7 November 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow in Matthew Williamson at Matthew Williamson & Gwyneth Paltrow Host Kids Company, 25 November 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow poses in the winners room at the British Fashion Awards, December 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Heathrow Airport, 3 December 2013
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Gwyneth Paltrow attends Hollywood Stands Up To Cancer Event, January 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow attends the Goldene Kamera 2014 at Tempelhof Airport Hangar, 7 February 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Great American Songbook Event Honoring Bryan Lourd, 10 February 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow FROW at Boss Women Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014, 12 February 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Poetic Justice Fundraiser for Coalition For Engaged Education, 28 May 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at Hollywood Unites For The 4th Biennial Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C), A Program Of The Entertainment Industry Foundation (EIF), 5 September 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at The Country House' Opening Night - Arrivals, 2 October 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at The Academy Hosts Hollywood Costume Private Luncheon, 8 October 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow at amfAR LA Inspiration Gala, 29 October 2014
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Gwyneth altrow at Imagine1day Annual Gala Honoring Tracy Anderson, 19 November 2014
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Gwyneth Paltrow The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon - Season 2, 14 January 2015
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