Insta-Stalking Gwyneth Paltrow’s Holiday Is Curing Our January Blues

Hotel villa with with a slide and water-cinema anyone?

Gwyneth Paltrow

by Sofia Tindall |

Another day, another news story from the parallel reality of $15,000 sex toys and parasite-curing goats milk that Gwyneth Paltrow resides in, while the rest of us are trying to avoid post-Christmas liver poisoning and hiding the New Years Resolution yoga mat purchase at the back of the cupboard (we'll start on Monday, ok? The 1st of January falling on a Tuesday this year means that it's clearly a false start).

The author of GOOP - everyone's favorite go-to if you're in urgent need of a recipe for shamanic healing cabbage milkshake or some handy vagina steaming tips - has been sharing Instagram snaps of her and her husband Chris Martin in the Maldives recently, and we've all been furtively stalking them. Even if your day to day reality right now consists of more layers than the plot line of Black Mirror's Bandersnatch and the drudgery of the rush hour tube: there is something cathartic about wiling away the January blues through Gwyneth's Instagram feed, as she frolics in blue skies, translucent waters and white sands, and perhaps thinks up her next quack sex life tip or juice cleanse for the blog.

This morning she shared a post with her husband, Brad Falchuk, that confirmed the location of their holiday as the Soneva Jani beach resort in the Maldives.

Ready for some seriously FOMO-inducing hotel porn to enjoy in the office with a side of internet shopping? (Of course you are) the luxury beach resort features a spa, retail area and library - but best of all: it's very own slide into a blissful, crystal-clear ocean:

Slides not quite your thing? (or indeed, putting on a bikini when January has become an affair of not shaving for three weeks and dressing for the arctic tundra's of the UK), you could always wile away a few hours stargazing at the overwater observatory or in the overwater Cinema Paradisio (what Gwyneth-Paltrow hosting resort could be complete without one?). It could be not quite the thing for January bank balances though. Booking one of the Villa's at the moment will set you back around $10,000 a night.

Gwyneth has spent Christmas and New Year at the resort with her ex-husband, Chris Martin, with whom she "consciously uncoupled" with in true GOOP-y style in 2014. While the idea of going on holiday with your ex and their new girlfriend is enough to send most of us into PTSD and reach immediately for the wine bottle, this clearly isn't the case for Gwyneth who also invited Chris Martin's current girlfriend Dakota Johnson.

Like everyone though: even celebrity holidays eventually come to an end. So sadly we're going to have to find another celebrity who's holiday we can vicariously experience on social media while battling the horrors of winter weather, skin, hair and mood. Still, there's probably a GOOP-based cure for it right? Cabbage dumpling anyone?

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