Frankie Essex: ‘I Had To Become A Mum, Sister And Wife Overnight’

Frankie speaks to Grazia about her brother Joey's documentary Grief and Me, and the impact of losing their mum at such a young age.

Frankie essex

by Bonnie McLaren |
Updated on

Last week, the UK saw a different side to Joey Essex when his documentary, Grief and Me, aired. In the BBC programme, Joey explores the impact losing his mum - Tina - at the age of 10 had on him, but it also looks at Tina's death affected his entire family, including fellow TOWIE stars cousin Chloe Sims, and his sister Frankie.

Unlike Joey, who has always struggled to talk about his mum, Frankie has always been incredibly open about her, in order to help keep her memory alive. In a touching scene in the documentary, Frankie says she thinks this is because men find it more difficult to speak up. 'Men are well known for hiding their emotions,' she tells Grazia after the documentary aired. 'But I never really thought about it until Joey moved house. and I asked him if he was going to put up a photo of mummy. And he said, "What do you mean?" And that shocked and upset me. But that's when I realised we were dealing with it differently.'

Speaking toGrazia last week, Joey said, 'I guess it was because my sister was correct: like she said in the documentary, men have got this persona about them, and try and say “Yeah, I’m tough”,’ he adds. ‘That's been my mentality ever since I was a child. I’ve always said to myself “You’re tough, nothing’s ever going to hurt you.”'

But she thinks programmes like this will help men feel it's OK to be emotional. 'After my boyfriend watched it, he said it was really emotional,' Frankie adds. 'And that was coming from a boyfriend who I've never seen cry.' She also says that Joey is finding things easier now that he is continuing with therapy. 'He definitely understands that's it's easier,' she says, 'and I just think the show going out has done him a whole lot of good with getting the support from everyone.'

After her mum passed away, when she was 13, Frankie says she had to grow up incredibly quickly. She says learnt how to cook dinner - particularly broccoli - like her mother would, for her dad and Joey. 'I was really, really young for my age,' she says. 'I had to become a mum, sister, wife overnight.' She adds, 'I've always been known as the mum, I'd always be helping everyone because I suppose you want to be there for people.' Frankie says her happiest memories of her mum was when she would occasionally ask Frankie if she wanted to have a day off school, and take her for lunch or shopping instead. 'She was a brilliant mum,' she tells us. 'She was so fun. She loved kids, she loved us all being together for family and we still carry that on so we're very lucky.'

The documentary has resonated for many, and she says that herself, her brother and Chloe have been inundated with positive DMs. 'Even today, I'm still getting messages about the documentary,' she says. 'I did say to Joey before we did the documentary we're not the only ones who have lost parents, even if it's not just to suicide, but just in general. We're not the only kids who went through that when we were younger. And if we can show that we're okay now and it happened to us 20 years ago, it's just a [positive] influence on other people who might have been through it themselves.'

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