The biggest story in Celebrity Land right now is stirring up a storm on t'internet: 'Famous Woman May Or May Not Be Dating Famous Man Just Weeks After Breaking Up With Other Famous Man'. We're talking, of course about Twizzlestick/Diddlesquit/Hiddleswift (why not Swiddleton, guys?!). Fans the globe over are losing their shit, devastated at Hiddleston is seemingly unavailable, and that Swift has moved on from her relationship with Calvin Harris faster than Brexit's promises for NHS funding (which she's perfectly entitled to do, btw). While we hate ourselves for listening to conspiracy theories, suggestions that the whole relationship is a cunning (massively lucrative, publicity generating) ruse to create footage for a concept album may just be plausible.
We're donning our deerstalker hats and going all Sherlock on Hiddleswift by analysing photographic evidence to see if we can substantiate these claims.
The Paps
All the pap shots of the couple originate from the same agency. Maybe they're being given an early heads up so that they can *conveniently *be the only photographers around to capture the candid moments of their daily lives, like when Taylor met Tom's mum. IDK about you, but wouldn't you feel pretty awkward rocking up in Suffolk with the introduction 'Hi Mum, this is a very successful singer I've been banging for a couple of weeks, might I suggest an afternoon stroll, arm in arm together down the street in order to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible?'
The Private Photographer
It's a truth universally acknowledged that you literally cannot have genuine fun with your friends unless the entire event is ruthlessly documented. If a party happens on a beach and no one was there to see it, did it really happen at all? It's been revealed that Taylor hired a professional photographer for the weekend to ensure all evidence of the weekend was flawlessly recorded. Last time we chucked a slightly battered iPhone at a friend and asked them to take a picture, we can guarantee it didn't look this smooth (although it also didn't feature two internationally renowned supermodels). The not-at-all-staged photos of the great weekend were later presented very selectively online, with no fuzzy phone shots from any of her friends, which brings us on to the next point...
Instagram, that renowned source of information for hard-hitting journalism, has provided some interesting evidence - or rather, lack of it. It's curious that none of Taylor's squad posted updates from their weekend as it was happening. Obviously it would have taken some time for the photographer to edit his snaps, which would explain their delay in appearing online - but why did none of Taylor's crew post their own photos of the Independence Day revelry on the day itself? Perhaps they were all just so busy having loads of fun that none of them thought to look at their phones? Perhaps pigs might also fly, they're millenials, come on! Maybe what the squad could post was limited because Taylor wanted a very specific version of events to be posted to the world SO AS NOT TO GIVE AWAY TOO MANY SPOILERS FOR HER NEW CONCEPT ALBUM IN WHICH TOM HIDDLESTON IS ACTING. Ahem, maybe. Maybe poor, heartbroken, Calvin's in on the whole thing?
Elementary, my dear Watson.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.