Imagine the scene. You, a mother of a baby, pose for a quick photograph with your young child while on holiday. This child, mere months old, wriggles. You strain to bear their weight. For a moment, perhaps a few seconds, their neck is unsupported. And suddenly, a crowd descends, emerging from the bushes, rising from the swimming pool, with screams of 'Bad mother! Bad mother!'
You would think those people mad, wouldn't you? And yet, in the world of social media, virtual equivalents of this event have become very normal. This week, it is Emily Ratajkowski's turn to bear the brunt of the online parenting mob.
The offending image sees the model, writer and actress posing in a bikini while holding her son, Sylvester, who's wearing a sweet, matching pair of swimming shorts. He is looking away from the camera, and his neck is unsupported. Immediately, Emily was attacked for this egregious crime. She was accused of treating her son as an accessory, and Piers Morgan - who must be a perfect parent, I'm sure - mocked her and offered her unsolicited tips on motherhood. But these comments are wholly unfair and unwelcome.
Before we get into ethics, there are practical reasons why those slamming Emily are being unreasonable. First of all, it is perfectly common for a three-month-old baby to be able to support their own head. Secondly, there is no suggestion that Emily was not supporting her son's neck for more than the milisecond that this photograph was taken. Don't forget that she does not post pictures of Sylvester's face in the public domain. There could be one hundred images in her private camera roll of her son, his neck leaning against her arm, his head lifted, but we are not seeing them because his face is in view. We are seeing this one picture - this supposedly offending image - simply because it is the one in which we can't see his face. Emily is protecting her son's privacy, a noble decision, and in doing so is being punished.
But really, the above logic is moot, because the policing of parents - especially mothers - is out of hand. No parent is perfect. No baby has had round-the-clock neck support for their entire young lives. Children fall and scrape their knees. Babies get dropped. They get left alone for sixty seconds while their care giver dares to use the toilet. A step gets missed in the bottle sterilisation process. Tiny mistakes or blips get made. Jumping to attack a parent - famous or not - is cruel and mean-spirited, and sends a message to other parents that they are failing. Of course, we should report suspected neglect or abuse if we suspect it. But this is transparently not one of those cases.
I also fear that, in the case of Emily, there are other factors at work. Primarily, envy, and the inherent dislike and distrust of beautiful young women. I have written about this before. I don't think everyone coming for her about this image is guilty of this, but I truly believe that many of her critics would not say such things or throw such haphazard cruelty at a more everyday, average parent in jeans and a hoodie.
As always, the rule to stick with on social media is that you should resist saying something online that you would not say to a person's face. Would you call Emily Ratajkowski a bad mother to her face? No? Then perhaps think again next time you post. Yes? Then you've got some major issues to work on.
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